NANO

Exciting News! #ThanksButImOkay

| rachelhamm

I’ve been holding this close to my chest (except not really, because I’ve been telling everyone about it) for a while now, but I have BIG news! A while ago my friend, Jax, suggested the idea that she and I do a pop culture vlog together. I loved the idea and we slowly moved forward, excitedly discussing what our vlog would feature and what types of segments we’d film. Around Thanksgiving, we decided a podcast would be better than a vlog because people would be able to listen in their cars and while running errands, etc (also, we can record in our pjs with no makeup which we both considered a huge plus). So, we’re starting a podcast!

Podcast LogoOnce we decided on format, we needed a name. Fortunately, that came fairly easily. Jax and I are both involved in National Novel Writing Month and an incident occurred during this past NaNo that gave us the perfect name. I was super tired at a write-in and laid my head down for a moment. The person sitting next to me began rubbing my shoulders (unprompted by me and without asking). I lifted my head, said “Thanks, but I’m okay,” and laid my head back down. Our friend, Jeremy, later told me that he had been considering saying something when he saw what was happening, but then I handled things on my own just fine. Since then, we’ve used the #ThanksButImOkay as a joke when tweeting each other. It seemed perfect for a pop culture podcast, where you can be sure they’ll be plenty of issues/people/movies/etc that both Jax and I will be completely over.

Our website went live last night, so please check it out when you have a moment: www.thanksbutimokay.com. We’ll be publishing episodes every Tuesday, starting this coming Tuesday, February 3rd. We’re also having a Facebook Launch Party on February 3rd and you’re all invited! Go HERE to join the fun.  We’ll be encouraging everyone to download the first three episodes, we’ll play games, and there’ll be prizes!  Seriously, it’s going to be amazing so check it out.

Hey, Good to See You Again!

| rachelhamm

Wow.  So I haven’t written here since before my job interview.  Crazy.  So much has happened.  Let me catch you up.

I got the job!

And it has been great.  It really has relieved so much of the stress I was feeling on a daily basis.  I love the people I work with and my boss is just great.  All the signs were pointing to “I need a new job,” and not only did this job deliver, it’s been better than expected.  It was exactly what I needed at the time I needed it.

I was MIA on this blog for a couple of months because I was putting a lot of energy into the other blog I started, but after a while, that one sort of fizzled out as well.  I stayed away from here because I didn’t really have anything fresh to say about writing and I didn’t want to post random facts about my boring everyday life.  I know that’s not the best thought process, but what can I say? It’s how I was thinking.

It’s especially silly, because my life has not been all that boring.  But you know, hindsight is 20-20 and all.  I’ve been trying to keep focused on “Saying Yes” and my Happiness Project by seeking out new things.  One of those new things was running a 5k, which I did in December and again this past weekend!  I am still way out of shape (and I didn’t technically run the entire thing) but old Rachel would NEVER have even ATTEMPTED such an athletic feat.  I’m planning on another one in October with my sister and I’d really like to work up to running a 10k before my 30th birthday (358 days to go).

Another new thing, something I’ve been attempting for a long time, I wrote a second book!!!!!  I have been meeting at least once a month with a friend of mine to work on writing, but even that wasn’t giving me the motivation I needed, so I decided to go for NANOWRIMO.  It worked!  I finished the first draft of my second complete novel on November 30th, 2012!  I joined a critique group and have slowly been editing it and have just started the plans for books 2 and 3 in a trilogy.  I’ll post more about that book and plans for the sequels later, I promise.

The big BIG news, though, isn’t that I wrote a second book, it’s that I’m in the process of publishing my first!  I’ve always been supremely proud of Twenty-Five and it’s always been my goal to have it in actual book form at some point, and now’s the time.  I’ve got the momentum going and the support of my friends and family, so I’m going for it.  I read a lot of articles on the benefits of self-publishing and it feels right for me.  I did speak with a publisher, but they were new to publishing fiction and I just didn’t get a good feeling from them.  It felt like the only real benefit I’d get by going through them was a less-hands on marketing approach (I don’t like marketing) and that just doesn’t seem like enough for me to give up my control.  I’m still waiting to receive a Deal Memo from the man I spoke with, but unless that has some hidden perks we didn’t originally discuss, I think I’m going to opt out and publish on my own.  I’ve already done all the formatting and purchased the ISBN and my writing partner (who also happens to be a graphic designer) has already designed a beautiful cover.  I’m just waiting on the final touches to the cover and the chance to peruse the Deal Memo before I submit everything to CreateSpace and Kindle.  Hopefully, Twenty-Five will be available for purchase by mid-July.

All that being said, I will be taking the chapters down from this blog.  Thank you to all who read here and gave me feedback and encouragement.  It meant the world to me.  I plan on keeping the blog up-to-date as I go through the world of self-publishing and as I work to get my next book in a readable condition.  If I ever slack off, you have permission to yell at me!

It’s Been One Year…

| rachelhamm

365 days and 100 posts.

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One year ago today, I picked up a pen and started writing down the story of how I came to pick up a pen in the first place.  It’s crazy how much (and how little) can happen in a year’s time.

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I was working at a hair salon last October, frustrated that I couldn’t pay my bills and hating how stressed out every day at work made me.  I had fallen in love with Ben Harris, the character I dreamed up to fall in love with my fictional equivalent, Abigail Bronsen.  I had never sent out a query letter and I had no idea how self-esteem crushing writing one could be.

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In November, I attempted my first NANO novel, which I called Anita’s Dream Diary.  There were certain things about ADD that I loved- the first chapter contained a rather hysterical (I think) suicide attempt- but as I kept writing, I just realized the entire style of the book wasn’t suited to my voice.  It was an interesting lesson in learning to let go when things aren’t working.  I started writing The Death Effect on Thanksgiving Day and I didn’t “win” NANO, but I’m still glad I attempted it.

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December was a big month.  I gave my boss notice and started looking for other jobs.  I knew that I was never going to be happy working as a hair salon receptionist.  So I moved on.  And on January 20th I started my new job.  As a receptionist at an orthodontist’s office.  Okay, so I’m still a receptionist, but the great thing about working at the ortho is that when I leave work- I’m done with that job.  I don’t have to worry that someone is going to call and ask me to work their shift or about the crazy guest that didn’t like her hair.  I’m not on-call 24/7.

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I went on a couple of dates in February!  It didn’t end in a love connection, but it felt good to get out there and feel some butterflies and wonder where it was going.  I hadn’t been on a date in seven years, so even being asked out boosted my confidence!

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March and April were wedding months for me.  I met with a lot of brides, worked a couple of weddings, and started planning with a full-service couple.  I really really love being a wedding coordinator.  I cannot wait until that grand day when I’ll get to do it full time.  I really hope it happens soon. I know that whenever I’m able to quit my day job to do weddings full time, I’ll be able to put a lot more of my free time into 1- writing and 2- having a social life!

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Disney World and all of it’s fantubulousness happened in May.  It was a much-much-much needed vacation.  I really needed to see my friend, Brooke, and I really needed to have some fun and some alone time with my writing.  I got all three things.  And my adorable niece, Gracyn, was born on May 24.  She is one of the happiest things in my life right now.  She’s not my actual niece, but her mother and I have been friends since first grade!

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I turned 26 in June.  If it’s is possible, I think turning 26 was more difficult than turning 25.  I had my book to focus on on my twenty-fifth birthday.  On my twenty-sixth, all I had to focus on was the fact that I was twenty-six!  I realize I’m not old.  I realize I’m still young.  But I am not living like a 26-year old.  I’m a nomad.  I don’t have a real home.  I have three jobs.  I’ve never had a relationship.  I wonder what’s wrong with me that at 26 I’m not more grounded.  Some people would be happy with leading this kind of existence.  I am just not one of those people.  I like order and stability.  I can’t understand what’s been keeping me from living the life I want.

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A client was unhappy with me in July.  I can’t explain how uncomfortable and upset that makes me.  I want to make everyone happy.  I am sickeningly accommodating of people, especially my clients.  It keeps me up at night when someone is angry at me.  But I had to push through it, because I kept getting prospective clients and I still had other weddings to plan and coordinate.  It wasn’t easy for me.  And I still think about it sometimes on my long commutes to and from work.  I hate that I can’t get over things like that.

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The Hamm family took a trip to visit more of the Hamms in August.  We spent a long weekend with my grandparents in Buffalo. It was another much needed vacation.  My really good friends Ashley and Charles moved to Burlington with beautiful Gracyn around the same time.  I’m soooooo happy I finally have close  friends nearby.  And that I don’t have to spend all my weekends alone in my bedroom!

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September and October have been wedding-crazy-busy again!  As you can see, the year started with writing and it pretty much fazed out and into wedding work.  I wish I had an extra twelve hours every day so that I could focus equally on both my loves.  Maybe one day I’ll be able to.  I miss writing.  I can’t remember the last time I sat and wrote anything new.  I’ve been slowly editing Twenty-Five for the past month, but haven’t picked up a pen and written anything fresh.

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So that’s where I am, on this, the one-year anniversary and one-hundredth post of my blog.  I hope I’ll have another eventful year.  I hope I’ll grow and maybe have another finished book by the time October 15, 2011 comes around.  Maybe I’ll be in love.  Maybe I’ll be living on my own.  Or maybe I’ll have learned to start living in the moment and not looking to the future.  Who knows.  But I hope you’ll stay along for the ride.

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Quick reminder- I’ll start posting my book chapter by chapter on Sunday.  Please, if you are a regular reader, but have never commented- let me know how you like it!  And share it with everyone you know.  Especially if you know any literary agents or publishers 🙂

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And thank you so much for reading, for following this journey I’m taking to become a real writer.  I appreciate it more than I can say.

The Books I’ve Read This Year, Part 2

| rachelhamm

My original plan was to post this on New Year’s Eve, but it’s getting kind of long and I need a 98th post and don’t really have a topic for one, so here’s PART TWO of the Books I’ve Read this Year!  If I get a chance to read any more- which seriously might not happen because I have 3 weddings coming up in the span of 6 weeks, and that’s a ton of work, and I’m also thinking about giving NANO another shot this year, so November is out for the most part, plus polishing Twenty-Five and posting it here, well, you get the idea- then I’ll post a part three.

Quick Stat update before I get into the books:

This is my 98th post.  There are only 11 days left until my one-year anniversary!

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands. Read for the first time.  Finished 7/11/10.  I’m sure there will be some readers out there scratching their heads- why is the virgin reading about one night stands?  Well, I blame (and thank) my sisters.  My older sister and I went to Charlotte for the July 4th weekend because that’s where my younger sister and her husband live and it was her birthday on July 5th.  While we were there we somehow made an agreement to each buy one of Chelsea Handler’s books and we’d read them and write notes to each other in the back and then swap.  Younger sis got Are You There Vodka, It’s Me Chelsea, older sis got Chelsea Chelsea, Bang Bang, which left My Horizontal Life for me. (I’m the middle sis, I pretty much just do what I’m told) It’s probably appropriate seeing how I’m the only one still capable of having a one night stand (since they are both married).  Sadly, I have no desire or inclination to act upon this power I possess.  Which is how I know that Chelsea Handler and I could never be friends.  No matter how funny I find her.

The Choice: Read for the first time.  Finished 7/12/10.  This book wasn’t bad.  But it wasn’t as good as I think it should have been.  I normally love Nicholas Sparks, because I love love stories.  But I feel like he put all of the good stuff in Part One of the book and half-assed Part Two.  I just didn’t feel emotionally connected to the characters at the end of the book.  This sparked a conversation with my mother who believes that I don’t enjoy reading anymore because I’m reading everything through a writer’s eye.  She’s partially correct.  I definitely read differently now that I’ve spent so much time reviewing and making suggestions of other people’s work and having other people reviewing and making suggestions about my work.  I hate getting reviews of my work, honestly.  I know I need it, but I hate it.  It usually makes me feel like no one understands me and it is so frustrating.  But anyways, back to the point.  My mom loved this book.  I thought it was okay.  I would have written it differently- and therein lies the problem.  Everyone who writes would have written it differently- would write my book(s) differently, very often suggest that I should write my books differently.  And I think that’s why I’ve stopped working on my books.  I’m sick of being told to write it differently.  So, maybe I should stop imagining how I would write someone else’s…

Bleachers: Read for the first time.  Finished 8/6/10 (on the flight to Buffalo).  This book was really good.  I enjoyed the simplicity of it.  No crazy complicated plot or characters.  Just real life people dealing with real life stuff- only fictionally.  I wasn’t sure if I’d like a John Grisham story that wasn’t based around lawyers or a courtroom, but it worked.

Same as it Never Was: Read for the first time.  Finished 8/9/10 (read during the trip to Buffalo, on the plane ride home from Buffalo and in my house when I should have been returning emails after I returned from Buffalo) LOVED LOVED LOVED this book.  Claire LaZebnik! I’m so happy I bought one of her books at random and was able to discover her beautiful stories.  Why can’t I write like this?  Did I mention that she sent this one to me?  And autographed it? But that’s not why I loved it.  I just couldn’t stop reading it.  And I’m such a sucker for a love story.  I want a love story!

Also read for the second time.  Finished 10/2/10.  I couldn’t help myself.  I really wanted to read it again.  And I’ve been so good this year about repeats, that I let myself.  Besides, I had to get in Claire LaZebnik mode so I could read her NEW book. (See below!)

Other People’s Love Letters: 150 Letters You Were Never Meant to See: Read for the first time.  Finished 8/20/10.  This was a collection of actual real-life love (and some hate) letters written between couples.  Some of the letters were so sweet I actually teared up.  I saw this book when I was in Buffalo (visiting my grandparents) at a store in the mall and I really wanted it, but it was like $23!  Which I feel is a ridiculous price to pay for any book.  So I found it later on Amazon for cheaper and I’m so glad I bought it.  It’s going to be my go-to “I need a smile” book from now on.

Chelsea Chelsea, Bang Bang: Read for the first time.  Finished 8/21/10.  The second round of my sisters-bonding readathon.  I liked this book better than the first one, I thought the stories were funnier and more likely to be true- plus some of them had pictures accompanying the chapters.  This book was more about her relationship with her family and her boyfriend, and not about random one-night stands.  Perhaps that is why I enjoyed it more.  I mentioned in the blurb about My Horizontal Life that we were writing little notes in the backs of the books to be passed on to each other and I wanted to share a little bit of what I wrote in this one.

Interesting fact: Somewhere around chapter 5 or 6 I told our mother she could really be a bitch sometimes.  I think Chelsea would approve.

Now to clarify, yes, I did indeed tell my mother this.  But, in all fairness, she said I could be a bitch sometimes too.  And that’s why I love my mother.  Oh, and no, at no point in the book does Chelsea call her mother a bitch.  She does refer to her father as mentally retarded, psychotic, and delusional though, and devotes several pages to the idea of her brothers and sisters and herself euthanizing him.  I would never do that to either of my parents.  I don’t think.

Jesus Wants to Save Christians: Read for the first time.  Finished 9/2/10.  My really good friend Ashley bought this book for me after the incident with Religious Guy- and I have to say, it was just amazingly good.  The book is about Jesus’s real message and how modern America has gone off-track and built an empire instead of pouring out our bodies to do good for the poor and needy.  The larger and more powerful an empire becomes, the more it feels greed and entitlement, which just leads to violence and the acquisition of weapons in order to maintain the power, which leads to more greed and entitlement.  We are not entitled!  Christians need to remember that God’s message is one of love, humility, assistance, sympathy and empathy.

My favorite quote from the book:

“When people are manipulated with guilt and fear and when they are told that if they don’t do certain things they’ll be illegitimate, judged, condemned, sent to hell forever- that’s violence.”

Please go out and buy this book.  Read it.  Live it.  And share it.  For my part, I already try to be super conscious of keeping my judgments at bay, but I’m not perfect- I have to work harder to really live what I believe.  I also need to remember that I have a good life and that there are so many people out there who are worse off.  I need to be generous with myself and with what I have and always remember that when I help the less fortunate, that is when I’m truly living the life God wants me to live.

Conversations with the Fat Girl: Read for the first time.  Finished 9/5/10.  I bought this book because of the title and because, let’s face it, there aren’t a lot of fat literary heroines for young 26-year old tubbies like me to look up to.  I actually related to a lot of what the main character, Maggie, was going through, but I can’t say that I really enjoyed the book.  I hated how the author started every chapter with backstory.  And I hated how the main character constantly contradicted herself.  And I really really really hated the dialogue.  It was soo unrealistic.  Like she needed to spin the conversation so the characters HAD to say what she was making them say, but most of the time, the things they were saying made no sense.  And she used a lot of question marks in dialogue after phrases that were not questions.  Really annoying?  Yes- absolutely annoying.  I never felt immersed or engaged in the actual story, I could feel the author on every page.  Very disappointing.  But like I said, I did relate a lot to the main character.  I’ve felt like a fat girl for most of my life.  I know the pain of trying on outfit after outfit and nothing fitting; of going out with a group full of girls, none of whom are larger than a size 4, who can’t understand why I feel uncomfortable talking to guys.  Hell, I even make my MC’s pretty and skinny so that I can live vicariously through them.  What the hell is wrong with me?

Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Read for the first time.  Started and Finished 9/6/10.  Great book.  What a character.  I mean the whole book was Holly Golightly, and it was just entrancing.  Everything Capote wrote about Holly brought her to life.  I could see her, hear her.  Amazing.

If You Lived Here, You’d Be Home Now: Read for the first time.  Started and finished 10/3/10.  Claire LaZebnik knocked it out of the park again.  I have to say I’m wildly thrilled that my random bookstore adventure one day led me to her books and blog.  Her MCs always seem to be in a place that makes sense to me personally- I can really relate.  In this case, Rickie is a single 25 year-old woman living at home with mom and dad and wondering when her life is going to change.  Can I just say, um, hello!  Me too!  Of course, Rickie has the added responsibility of a 6 year-old son and feelings for said son’s PE Coach whereas I have a bag of Doritos and good ole Ben & Jerry (they never let me down), but I still got her frustration with her mother and trying to figure out exactly what she’s supposed to do to change her life when she feels stuck in the situation she’s in.  Of course, I cried at the end.  Because I don’t really consider a book good unless it makes me cry.

NANO… um, not so much!

| rachelhamm

I fully intended to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November.  I wrote a synopsis and I outlined the entire book and I wrote like crazy for about a week.  And then life got in the way.  And really, I’m kind of glad.  I think back over the work I did and know that the book I was writing is not a book I would ever be proud of.  I love the first couple of chapters, but after that, it really just falls apart.

And I’m cool with that.  Not everything is going to work.

Part of the reason life got in the way this month is that I was trying to do too much.  So like me.  Always the over-achiever.  Throughout the month I stressed myself out with editing Twenty-Five and querying, plus writing for NANO, plus trying to figure out what I’m going to do come January first when I don’t have a job anymore (yes, I officially quit the hair salon, I put in my notice), plus trying to train someone new to pick up some of the shifts I’m leaving behind.  Yeah… I’ve been busy.

So I’m glad December is almost here.  Even though December brings a whole new round of stressors (hello my other company has 3 weddings in December!!!),  I think I’m more prepared to handle them now.  I hope so.

I’ve started a new book.  One that I think better suits me as a “writer” and I’ll be writing that in December. I don’t intend to stress myself out over word count.  I want to write something I can be proud of when I’m finished with the first draft so that I actually want to edit it and create a second!

I’m putting Twenty-Five on a back-burner for now.  I need time to fall in love with my characters again so that the next time I look at my manuscript I don’t kill them off in a fit of panic and fury.  Or something worse.  Like tossing my handwritten first draft into a fireplace.  I know I have it all typed on a computer, but I think it would be like burning my own heart to toss the first pages containing my characters into a fire.

So anyways, that’s what’s going on with me.  How about you?

Update 11/22/09

| rachelhamm

I just heard back from the agent who requested a partial.  They passed.  Said the story was flat.

 

NANO is not going well.  I’ve been so stressed and busy I haven’t really worked on it at all.

 

Bad day today, but hopefully tomorrow will be a good one.

YAY!

| rachelhamm

I just got my first request for a partial ms from an agent!  They want the first three chapters and a synopsis.  I can’t believe it!  I’m flabbergasted.  It’s only the third agent I’ve heard from.  I know that I’m not guaranteed anything, but it’s soo exciting anyways!  And just a few minutes ago I was thinking life was too f***ing hard…

See, that’s why you always have to remain positive.

I’ll keep you posted once/ if I hear back from the agent once I send the chapters.

NANO: 14,759 words, 10 chapters!

Other People’s Happy Moments

| rachelhamm

That’s what pops up on my laptop screen when it falls asleep.

You see, for some reason, I have my screen saver set to play a slideshow of my iPhoto gallery.  So whenever I step out of the room for five minutes and come back, there are pictures of weddings looping over and over on the screen.  Now, were I also happily married, I’m sure I’d ooh and aah at each successive picture, and hey, sometimes I do.  But not lately.  Lately, it’s just depressing.

What is it about looking at other people’s happy moments that makes me want to stick a pencil in my ear and jiggle it around?

The fact that it has never been me?  Or the fact that it will never be me?

Or both?

 

On a happier note, NANO is going really well for me.  I have seven chapters written already and 11,381 words!  Not bad for day six!  I posted my first chapter on TNBW and it’s gotten really positive feedback so far.  I know the TNBW-ers well enough to know they don’t give false praise… at least not all the time 🙂

I guess that’s a happy moment, right?  I should take a snapshot of my reviews and upload it to my iPhoto gallery.  Not exactly the same as a happy shot of a bride and groom smashing cake in each others’ faces, but it will have to do for now.

 

Oh, I got my second rejection from an agent yesterday!  🙂  I’m really feeling good about it.  More letters going out today!

 

Oh, and on the financial trouble front, I’m looking for a new job.  I told one of my bosses yesterday.  I don’t know if I’m going to be able to find one, but I wanted to be upfront with my boss about it.  I don’t really want to quit either of my jobs, but I can’t keep going on the way things are.

 

So, yeah, now you know what a basketcase I am…

One Hour To Go…

| rachelhamm

NANO officially begins for me here on the East Coast in one hour.  I’m stoked!  I can’t wait to begin.  I’ve had little ideas for my project running in and around my head for weeks and I’ll finally get to put them down on paper.  I’m excited to finally start getting to know my characters.

 

On a completely separate note, I sent my book, Twenty-Five, to three of my friends to read.  I got an email from one of them, Madison, today.  Here’s what she said:

WOW Rachel! Just WOW! I finished the book this morning (I would have finished it last night but Justin MADE me stop reading). It was sooooooooo good. I can tell you really spent time and enjoyed writing it. I had a little trouble getting started with it. I read the first few chapters but wasn’t fully involved. But after my third day of reading I got so engrossed into the story and the characters. It got to the point last night that I got mad at Justin for interrupting my reading. The story was just amazing! I’m so proud of you! The characters are very interesting and they stay true to themselves throughout the story. And you had so many twists and turns I was not at all expecting. Overall, I think it’s a great love story and anyone would be blessed to read it. I tried to make Justin read it, but he doesn’t read =( I would love to see it published and even then made into a movie. I think it was excellent. If you have any specific questions for me about things, please don’t hesitate to ask.

On a side note, I loved how Abby was similar to you and you followed your heart finding your Mr. Darcy (I almost laugh cried when they read their vows!). I also love that you made a Madi, even if she was a slut.

Congrats and I hope so much they publish this!!!! I”ll totally go buy a copy and make everyone read it!

Pretty much a glowing review!  I’m sooo happy that someone I actually know has read it and liked it.  It’s huge for me.  It feels huge for me anyways.

And tomorrow I’m going to start sending letters to agents.  SUPER HUGE.  I don’t know if there’s an agent out there willing to take a chance on a book without a unique plot and story and which is completely gimmick-less, but here’s hoping.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

So this post ended up being about Twenty-Five and not NANO.  Oh well.  47 minutes to go now.  I’ll keep you updated on my NANO progress and my agent querying process.