It’s probably time I go back to Twenty-Five, do a little more editing, re-write my query letter, and try and get it published. This article (click here) has inspired me. I’m afraid of failing- it’s probably the biggest fear I have, so instead of going for it, I don’t even try. I bury my nose in a book, I go off to a job I’m not proud of, and I hide away from the world. Well, that has got to stop! If I can go on the radio and make a complete ass out of myself, I can send out some freaking query letters! Even if that means getting rejected 100 times. *and for the record, I’ve currently been rejected 14 times by agents* I know I could go the self-publishing route, but I kinda want to see if there’s any shot at all of doing it the traditional way. Hell, getting rejected by every agent and publisher under the sun could be a good thing for me- it could teach me resilience, show me that there are worse things in life than failing. And maybe it won’t be failing at all to be rejected, just a rite of passage every writer must go through. Doesn’t it already sound like I’m getting healthier?
querying
It’s Been One Year…
365 days and 100 posts.
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One year ago today, I picked up a pen and started writing down the story of how I came to pick up a pen in the first place. It’s crazy how much (and how little) can happen in a year’s time.
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I was working at a hair salon last October, frustrated that I couldn’t pay my bills and hating how stressed out every day at work made me. I had fallen in love with Ben Harris, the character I dreamed up to fall in love with my fictional equivalent, Abigail Bronsen. I had never sent out a query letter and I had no idea how self-esteem crushing writing one could be.
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In November, I attempted my first NANO novel, which I called Anita’s Dream Diary. There were certain things about ADD that I loved- the first chapter contained a rather hysterical (I think) suicide attempt- but as I kept writing, I just realized the entire style of the book wasn’t suited to my voice. It was an interesting lesson in learning to let go when things aren’t working. I started writing The Death Effect on Thanksgiving Day and I didn’t “win” NANO, but I’m still glad I attempted it.
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December was a big month. I gave my boss notice and started looking for other jobs. I knew that I was never going to be happy working as a hair salon receptionist. So I moved on. And on January 20th I started my new job. As a receptionist at an orthodontist’s office. Okay, so I’m still a receptionist, but the great thing about working at the ortho is that when I leave work- I’m done with that job. I don’t have to worry that someone is going to call and ask me to work their shift or about the crazy guest that didn’t like her hair. I’m not on-call 24/7.
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I went on a couple of dates in February! It didn’t end in a love connection, but it felt good to get out there and feel some butterflies and wonder where it was going. I hadn’t been on a date in seven years, so even being asked out boosted my confidence!
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March and April were wedding months for me. I met with a lot of brides, worked a couple of weddings, and started planning with a full-service couple. I really really love being a wedding coordinator. I cannot wait until that grand day when I’ll get to do it full time. I really hope it happens soon. I know that whenever I’m able to quit my day job to do weddings full time, I’ll be able to put a lot more of my free time into 1- writing and 2- having a social life!
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Disney World and all of it’s fantubulousness happened in May. It was a much-much-much needed vacation. I really needed to see my friend, Brooke, and I really needed to have some fun and some alone time with my writing. I got all three things. And my adorable niece, Gracyn, was born on May 24. She is one of the happiest things in my life right now. She’s not my actual niece, but her mother and I have been friends since first grade!
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I turned 26 in June. If it’s is possible, I think turning 26 was more difficult than turning 25. I had my book to focus on on my twenty-fifth birthday. On my twenty-sixth, all I had to focus on was the fact that I was twenty-six! I realize I’m not old. I realize I’m still young. But I am not living like a 26-year old. I’m a nomad. I don’t have a real home. I have three jobs. I’ve never had a relationship. I wonder what’s wrong with me that at 26 I’m not more grounded. Some people would be happy with leading this kind of existence. I am just not one of those people. I like order and stability. I can’t understand what’s been keeping me from living the life I want.
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A client was unhappy with me in July. I can’t explain how uncomfortable and upset that makes me. I want to make everyone happy. I am sickeningly accommodating of people, especially my clients. It keeps me up at night when someone is angry at me. But I had to push through it, because I kept getting prospective clients and I still had other weddings to plan and coordinate. It wasn’t easy for me. And I still think about it sometimes on my long commutes to and from work. I hate that I can’t get over things like that.
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The Hamm family took a trip to visit more of the Hamms in August. We spent a long weekend with my grandparents in Buffalo. It was another much needed vacation. My really good friends Ashley and Charles moved to Burlington with beautiful Gracyn around the same time. I’m soooooo happy I finally have close friends nearby. And that I don’t have to spend all my weekends alone in my bedroom!
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September and October have been wedding-crazy-busy again! As you can see, the year started with writing and it pretty much fazed out and into wedding work. I wish I had an extra twelve hours every day so that I could focus equally on both my loves. Maybe one day I’ll be able to. I miss writing. I can’t remember the last time I sat and wrote anything new. I’ve been slowly editing Twenty-Five for the past month, but haven’t picked up a pen and written anything fresh.
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So that’s where I am, on this, the one-year anniversary and one-hundredth post of my blog. I hope I’ll have another eventful year. I hope I’ll grow and maybe have another finished book by the time October 15, 2011 comes around. Maybe I’ll be in love. Maybe I’ll be living on my own. Or maybe I’ll have learned to start living in the moment and not looking to the future. Who knows. But I hope you’ll stay along for the ride.
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Quick reminder- I’ll start posting my book chapter by chapter on Sunday. Please, if you are a regular reader, but have never commented- let me know how you like it! And share it with everyone you know. Especially if you know any literary agents or publishers 🙂
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And thank you so much for reading, for following this journey I’m taking to become a real writer. I appreciate it more than I can say.
My Favorite Posts
There’s less than a week til the one-year anniversary of this blog! I can hardly believe that I’ve been writing and sharing with the blogosphere for a year. I’m so glad I let a friend convince me to start it. It has been a friend when I had no one to talk to, an outlet to vent, and the best place in the world to share my writing. I sincerely hope that those of you who are kind enough to follow me have enjoyed my nonsensical ramblings and bitching and exultations.
For those of you who may not have been around since the beginning of this blog, I wanted to catch you up a little bit/ share my favorite posts from this past year. I hope you enjoy!
The Road That Let to Know
Originally Posted October 15, 2009
It’s amazing how seemingly insignificant moments in life can become catalysts for major change. At least that’s what I’ve been told. And it must be true because I’ve witnessed the phenomenon time and time again.
I tend to be the type of person who thinks I always know what path I’m walking when, in reality, I could stumble upon a fork in the road, trip over a tree root, or walk right into a dead end at any moment.
My Top 10 Favorite Books
Originally Posted November 9, 2009
This was a HARD list for me to make. I love to read. I’ve always loved to read and my taste in books is broad. I only had one requirement for a book to make my top ten list: I had to have read it more than once. To me, that’s an automatic way to determine if a book is good. Do I want to read it a second time? A third time? Otherwise, I just went with my gut.
1.) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I know, no big surprise here if you’ve read other blog entries and the Randomness page. I’ve read this book more times than I can count. I cry every time Darcy says, “You are too generous to trifle with me…” I have “I love Mr. Darcy” as the screen saver on my phone. Yes. I really do. I’m such a dork, but I don’t care. Elizabeth Bennett is witty, independent, and kind. She stays true to the women of the time period she lived in, but she also breaks new ground. Jane Austen is a genius. This is ABSOLUTELY the best book ever written. If you disagree we cannot be friends.
Bookshelf Browsing- Why Judging a Book By Its Cover is Totally Fine By Me
Originally Posted January 6, 2010
I read somewhere that writers aspiring to be published should
(A) Read as many books in the genre they are writing in as possible
and
(B) Support other beginning (or non-famous) authors by buying their books.
Well, if you’ve been reading my blog regularly you’ll know my financial situation as of late hasn’t really allowed me to purchase many books (or any at all), so I’m dreadfully out of touch with what is out there in book world right now.
What I Learned This Week
Originally Posted March 11, 2010
I’m often told that my writing is very honest- that I’m not afraid of putting myself out there on the page. And I definitely find this is true. In fact, I’m more honest in my writing than in actual conversation. Not because I am untruthful in real conversation, but because I often just can’t find the right way to express myself. Somehow, in writing, I always can.
I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon a lot lately. Namely due to this guy I went out on a couple of dates with. Let me emphasize A COUPLE OF DATES. I’ll be more precise. TWO dates. You’ll see why the number is important in a minute.
The Query I Wish I Could Send Out
Originally Posted May 3, 2010
Dear SuperAgent,
I wrote my first novel, Twenty-Five, a year ago, on the verge of my own twenty-fifth birthday to deal with the trauma of that milestone. It is the first time I’ve attempted to write fiction other than a contest in the fourth grade (which I won) where I wrote a short story entitled The Summer Aliens Invaded My Brother’s Brain. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. Twenty-Five is a love story, pure and simple. The characters are not so utterly unique that reading about them makes one wonder if I was on acid when imagining their personalities. The plot is not so action packed and full of twists and turns that readers will sit looking at the wall, scratching their heads, for ten minutes after reading because they have no idea what the hell just happened. Instead, I’ve created characters who are a lot like you and me, your best friend, your next door neighbor, and the boy who grew up down the street from you who you always had a secret crush on. What happens to them is what happens to us all- the firsts of a new relationship. The first meeting, the first date, the first kiss, the first fight, the big breakup, etc.
And some milestone updates for you: this is my 99th (eek!) post and there are only 4 days until the anniversary!!!!
A little thing that makes me happy: decorating for Halloween!
I Dislike Conflict…
In real life. I mean, I really hate it. I can’t stand fighting or debating or even disagreeing with someone else. And it literally makes me sick when someone is angry with me or thinks I’ve done a bad job or criticizes me. Makes me want to vomit and keeps me awake at night. And even months later, if I think back to a person who has been angry with me, I find myself saying “I hate my life.” I’m totally serious about that.
So, aside from the obvious- I need a therapist- I tend to stay away from conflict as much as possible (okay that was probably pretty obvious, too).
Not really a very good quality for a writer.
Because a writer needs to understand conflict. Needs to be able to dissect it and take out all the little pieces and understand why each character feels the way they do and why they would do what they do and why what they feel and what they do causes problems for other characters. Still with me?
Also, if you can’t take criticism, your writing will never live up to its full potential.
But back to understanding conflict.
On the first draft of Twenty-Five I constantly got feedback that there wasn’t any conflict. That the problems the characters faced weren’t really in the conflict realm because they were so easily resolved. That there wasn’t one overarching conflict holding the story together.
So on the “second” draft I tried to bring out more conflict.
And now on the “third” draft, I’m trying to bring out even more, because if a book needs an overarching conflict, I still don’t think I have it.
Because in Twenty-Five, the conflict is life. And living a new relationship. And learning how to love. Sometimes it’s really great. Because falling in love is great. And sometimes it’s a little blah, because life is a little blah. But what real conflict do we have in life? I don’t have one overarching thing that holds the story of my life together. And I don’t think the characters in my book need to either.
Yes, I realize I’m probably crazy. No publisher or agent is going to want a book that doesn’t have a conflict. But when I started writing this book over a year ago, my goal was to write a book without a hook, without a gimmick. Just a story as real-to-life as possible about the beginning of a relationship. Isn’t that conflict enough? I mean really. What’s more difficult in this world than starting a relationship with someone new?
I think this whole desire to avoid conflict at all costs is one of the things preventing me from finishing any of my other novel ideas (characterization is another big problem I have. And description. I hate description. And prose, too. I don’t hate prose, I’m just no good at it. Dialogue- I’m good at dialogue). Because for the most part, a story has no where to go if it has no higher conflict. That’s what makes Twenty-Five so special though, I think. I managed to write a story about two people and that’s all it’s about. Two people and their love for each other. A love story is what most people want for themselves, right?
I realize that my posts lately have really been lacking in the substance department. I hope this makes up for it a little bit. But what you have to understand about me is that I really don’t have a lot of substance- at least not in the way a writer/blogger should have substance. I wish I did, but I know that I don’t. I’m not deep. I read a lot, but I usually can’t have an intellectual conversation about books. I can’t really put into words how something makes me feel. I find it difficult to stay on topic and to argue a point of view.
Because arguing, after all, is too much like conflict.
So, these random, journal-like, entries are what you get when you come to I Picked Up A Pen One Day. I’m sorry if you wanted advice on how to be a better writer. Or to see the process of what going from start to finish on a book looks like. Or the kinship of another intellectual pursuing their true passion while the world holds them back. I can’t be those things. I wish I could be. But I can’t.
I know what you’re thinking- Never say “I Can’t” because you can!
I don’t want to be someone I’m not. So, sometimes, saying “I Can’t” is the best thing I can do for myself.
Wow, this has really wandered from my original topic.
Back to conflict. I don’t like it. I don’t want to write it. So maybe I’ll try and be the conflict-less writer. And maybe I’ll still be unpublished 50 years from now. And maybe that is just going to have to be okay.
Milestone Update: This is my 96th post! There are 23 days until my One year Blogiversary!
And a little thing that makes me happy: GLEE! That show is so stinkin’ amazing!
Instant Gratification: I Blame America
So, I’ve decided that one of my problems with the whole writing/querying/having a real career thing is that I am used to this instant gratification lifestyle we have here in America. Who wants to spend month after month after month writing and editing and writing and editing and then sending queries and waiting for rejections and then sending more queries and waiting for more rejections when I can get a meal in 5 minutes from the local McDonalds or a new book online in 2 minutes or a new song in 30 seconds? The whole writing to publication process takes TOO DAMN LONG and I don’t have the patience for it. And I blame America.
Growing up, weren’t we told that we could be anything we wanted to be? That we could do anything we wanted to do?
I was.
But you know what- it’s not true. Not really. I worked really hard in high school and college. I got great grades. But you know what those great grades got me? Absolutely nothing. Because I didn’t really know what I wanted when I was getting them. And now, I know what I want but am not really in the position to get it. I don’t have the time to work on my writing. I don’t have the time to research agents and write and send queries. Then wait for the inevitable rejections before sending out another round of queries.
I want it to be instantaneous!
I want the first agent I send my first draft of my first novel to read it and say “Yes! Please let me represent you!” And then I want to get a call from said agent a day later saying that the first publisher she sent the book to wants it and is willing to pay me a whole boatload of money for it. And then I want it to go straight to the top of the NY Times Best Sellers list.
I realize this isn’t how the world works. I just wish it was. I know it’s probably a good thing the world doesn’t work this way. But, man, it would make my life a whole lot easier!
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A little thing that makes me happy: single servings of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream!
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An update on my milestones:
This is my 93rd post.
There are 39 days left until the 1 year anniversary!
And I’ve had 4,950 views (only 50 to go!)
My Spot on the Shelf
I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I last posted! I’ve been busy, which is nothing unusual, and I just haven’t given much thought to writing the past two weeks.
I hate that.
But sometimes I don’t have control over everything in my life. It kinda sucks, but it’s kinda okay too. Okay because I’ve been working with a lot of wedding clients and I’ve been hanging out with some friends and, you know, actually having a life!
I thought about writing today, though. First, at work, I had a minute or two of downtime here and there and I started created a family tree for my next project (A serial story about Family Dynamics- get ready for it!), then, I was in Barnes and Noble for a brief second and I couldn’t stop myself. I went to the Fiction and Literature section and glanced at the titles. I found my way to the H’s. I found the spot where my book would be if I ever get published.
Is it weird that I do this? Because this isn’t the first time I’ve looked for where my book belongs in a bookstore. (And just for the record, I’d be to the left of Seeing Stars by Diane Hammond- in case you don’t know my awesome last name.) It’s motivating to me. The idea that maybe, possibly, someday I could walk in a bookstore and when I find that spot on the shelf my book will actually BE there. It’s a pipe dream, I know. But maybe. Just possibly.
I got a review on TNBW the other day for my poem “Observations in Ten Minutes” in which the reader/reviewer asked if I’d ever thought of publishing my poetry. Of course I have! I’ve thought about it and dreamed about it. But I haven’t really done much to make it happen. I know I need to. I need to send out queries and letters and let the publishing world know that I exist. But when? When’s the right time? I don’t think I’m ready. I want to be. But I don’t think I am.
I read a few poems I wrote in high school last night. Oh my God were they awful. TERRIBLE. I can’t believe I ever thought they were good (which, PS, I did). What if I think the same thing about the stuff I’m writing now, the novel and short stories and poetry I’ve written over the last year and a half? I want my best work out there. I don’t want to put my name on something that isn’t perfect.
And therein lies another problem. It will never be perfect. Even books I LOVE have moments of terrible writing (Jane Austen being the obvious exception). So do I take the chance now that someone will see the brilliance in my work (not that my work is brilliant by any means, but I think you know what I’m going for) and overlook the horridness? Or do I spend another year or so editing and perfecting, making it better? I feel like life is too short for that. I need more time though! I started a round of edits on Twenty-Five, but I think I only got through chapter 6 or so. I’ve been so exhausted in the evenings and busy on the weekends, I haven’t gone back to it.
Okay, seriously Rach. Enough whining. Just do it!
It’s the only way you’ll ever get anywhere- you can’t move forward by standing still.
So I guess I’ll be getting off my ass now.
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And a little thing that makes me happy: Getting comments from People who read my blog! (HINT HINT!)
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Quick Update on the Trifecta of Milestones approaching:
This is my 92nd post.
I’ve had 4,895 views to date.
And there are 6 weeks and 4 days left until my One Year Blogiversary!
Life Doesn’t Seem to Take Into Account the Plans That I Make
May was supposed to be an easy month. I have no weddings scheduled and only had to work one Friday at the ortho. May was supposed to be the month I finally started querying and writing again.
Unfortunately, May has been super crazy so far. I wish I could post a screen shot of my calendar so you could see how crazy. I haven’t sent a single query because I haven’t had time to work on my letter or finish (heck, even start, really) my latest rounds of edits on Twenty-Five. I don’t know if I’m more relieved or frustrated about that.
I haven’t written a word of The Death Effect since I made the goal to get to 60K this month. I honestly have not had real time. I need to go back and read through what I already have and look at my outlines before I write anymore because it’s been soo long since I’ve seriously worked on it. I don’t remember the paths I wanted the characters to take. I remember the outcome, just not how to get them there!
So, why haven’t I had the time? I’ve been working. I don’t have any weddings this month, which last year meant a smooth-sailing, free-as-a-bird existence. This year, NOPE! But that’s a good thing. I’m busier. I have more clients than ever and I’m going to meetings and networking events all the time. It’s wonderful because I really do love it. If I could coordinate full time and write on the side, I’d be a really happy girl. And we’re getting closer. My boss can’t keep track of my clients anymore!
On the same line of thought, we spent four hours on Sunday setting up our blog, Daring, Devoted. It looks FANTABULOUS, if I do say so myself. We officially “launched” it on Tuesday. And by “launched” I mean we all put posts on Facebook about it! haha. It will be on our website soon, too. I’m so happy with it and really proud of the BBS team for doing it! I just hope brides and event professionals find it informative and entertaining.
When we were working on the blog, it struck me how important voice actually is in writing of any kind, not just fiction. There are three of us in the company and each of us read the other 2’s posts to make comments and suggestions before putting them on the blog. It hit me over the head how different they each sounded, and not just in content.
I’ve heard so much discussion on the importance of a strong voice over the past year and I kinda wondered if that was my problem. I couldn’t discern my own voice in my work. I worried the way I write is so simple that is is utterly devoid of voice. But I discovered this weekend that isn’t true. I DO have a voice. It may not be knock-your-socks-off fantastic, but it’s there. I sound like me. Nobody else. Just me.
And I think that’s a good thing.
*As proof of how busy I’ve been, I wrote this on Monday and have not had time to type it until today, Thursday!*
The Query I Wish I Could Send Out
Dear SuperAgent,
I wrote my first novel, Twenty-Five, a year ago, on the verge of my own twenty-fifth birthday to deal with the trauma of that milestone. It is the first time I’ve attempted to write fiction other than a contest in the fourth grade (which I won) where I wrote a short story entitled The Summer Aliens Invaded My Brother’s Brain. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. Twenty-Five is a love story, pure and simple. The characters are not so utterly unique that reading about them makes one wonder if I was on acid when imagining their personalities. The plot is not so action packed and full of twists and turns that readers will sit looking at the wall, scratching their heads, for ten minutes after reading because they have no idea what the hell just happened. Instead, I’ve created characters who are a lot like you and me, your best friend, your next door neighbor, and the boy who grew up down the street from you who you always had a secret crush on. What happens to them is what happens to us all- the firsts of a new relationship. The first meeting, the first date, the first kiss, the first fight, the big breakup, etc.
I realize this doesn’t sound glamorous or jump-out-of-your-seat fantastic, but it’s one of those books that will make you feel good. Reading it, you’ll be reminded how hard it was to summon up the courage to ask that girl out or say I love you. You’ll remember those nights you spent heart-broken and crying because nothing in the world seemed more disastrous than the person you love leaving you.
I wrote Twenty-Five with the hope of penning a story that would inspire in others the same feelings of romance and hope that Jane Austen’s work inspired in me.
Twenty-Five isn’t a rewrite of an Austen classic and it doesn’t feature any characters named Mr. Darcy, but it does show a strong woman who doesn’t believe in her own strength and a beautiful man who would do anything to make her see how amazing she is.
When Abigail Bronsen turns twenty-five, she wonders why her life has gone nowhere. She’s trapped in a job she hates and spends her evenings alone in her apartment, with nothing but her literary heroes and writing aspirations to keep her company. Then Ben Harris crashes into her.
They fall in love, of course, and Ben secretly helps Abigail cross off items on a list of goals she made as a teenager. He finds out soon though, that helping build her confidence is sending her on a path away from him, one that leads to London and a dream job.
With an ocean between them, they’ll struggle to overcome pain and pride to see if their love is meant to be, or if it was all simply the result of a random accident.
Now doesn’t that sound amazing? Please read my book!
Sincerely,
A Writer Who Will Be Eternally Grateful if You Give Me a Chance!
Starting with Action…
When I was workshopping Twenty-Five on TNBW, several reviewers told me I needed to delete the opening scene and jump straight into the action. So many reviewers in fact, that eventually I broke down and listened to them. And I didn’t have second doubts about following that advice until I got my rejection from Scott Eagan. He said that there was a lack of character development. I wondered at the time if my character development suffered because I deleted the opening scene.
I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. I’ve read 13 books since the start of the year. And not a single one of them starts off going straight into the action. Granted, one is Jane Austen and no books from the early nineteenth century started with action (at least none that I’ve read), but the other 12 are all late twentieth or twenty-first century. So…. My thoughts on that are that maybe I don’t need to start with action immediately. Maybe that’s just a rule they throw out in writing workshops and on agent blogs because it sounds great in theory and because books that do it well, do it great. But it doesn’t make sense for my romance novel which is based around the characters and not around what happens.
I took a couple days and re-read my MS. Again. And I really noticed the lack of character development at the beginning. I was shocked, honestly. I never thought that was a problem I had. I assumed the biggest problem with Twenty-Five was that the plot wasn’t unique enough, which is still a problem when it comes to writing the query, but I actually think it kinda works for this book. Anyways, my point was, it looks like you can’t listen to everything reviewers say. Now, I’m not stupid or vapid or naive enough to believe that if I add that scene back in it’s going to magically fix my character development problem. The opening scene is going to need a lot of editing and the action scene is going to need a lot of editing to make it work with the opening. It’s going to be a lot of work. But I believe in this book. And I know I’ve said that a million times. But I do. So I’m going to do the work and I’m actually kind of excited about it. It kind of makes me sick at the same time, but I’m going to focus on the excitement.
I Picked Up a Pen One Day... 