Saying “Yes” to New Year’s Eve


Oh heck yeah, New Year’s Eve was awesome.

I went out with some friends to see an amazing local band (they are so outstanding it almost pains me to call them a “local” band, but they are from Raleigh, so technically that is the correct term) and they not only completely rocked, but my friends and I had a great time.  Plus, I got hit on, which always makes things better!

I don’t really have any fun anecdotes or crazy stories to share, I just wanted to mention that I went out.  If you’ve been following the blog over the past couple of years, you’ll know I’m trying really hard to live more and a big part of that is making sure that I have an active social life.  It is so easy for me to sit at home alone, watching tv in my pjs, feeling sorry for myself (for what- well, everything and nothing).  I don’t want to be that person all the time.  I want to have those experiences that you’re supposed to have when you are young, I want to create memories.  The past two New Year’s Eves, I’ve spent alone at home.  I didn’t even pay attention to the clock.  I was embarrassed to go out because I didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight.  And really, how stupid is that?  I kissed my friends on their cheeks at midnight this year.  And later I gave a guy my number.  Much more productive than staying in.



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The Plight of the Nice Guy

I’ve been thinking about this off and on for the last several months.  The nice guy.  Why does he get such a tough break in the dating scene?  I was recently an audience member at a comedy club and the opening comedian talked about this- how he often was rejected by women and given the explanation, “You’re just too nice.”  He asked the crowd if that is really possible.  My immediate reaction?  YES.

How is it possible to be too nice?  It seems like a ridiculous thing to say, I know, but I can’t help but feel it’s truth.  And here’s why.  In my (limited, I’ll grant) experience, a lot of guys are nice, but I don’t refer to them all as “nice guys.”  If the only way I can think to describe a man is “nice,” then he is just too nice.  If nice is the only descriptor I can come up with, then he isn’t showing me anything else.  He isn’t displaying any passions or any flaws.  And those are two very critical things I need in a man.  I personally don’t want to be with a guy I feel I’m always going to get along with, or who always lets me have my way.  Guys who are “too nice” present absolutely no challenge, and therefore, no fun.

And that doesn’t mean I’m not looking for a nice guy, because believe me, I am, but a nice guy (as opposed to too nice) is someone who treats women with respect, honesty, and consideration WHILE ALSO holding his own ground in opinions, interests, and other relationships.

So, for all the guys out there living with that “too nice” cloud hovering over your heads, my advice to you is to think about what a woman is really saying when she gives you that reason.  It doesn’t mean she wants you to ignore her phone calls and texts, call her mean names, break plans, and sleep with other women.  It means she needs a man who can speak for himself.  Who isn’t afraid to disagree, who lives his own life with his own hobbies and friends.  She wants a nice guy who is also an interesting guy.  You may be those things, but you probably aren’t showing them.  And if you are, and she’s still not feeling it, then the chemistry just isn’t there, and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings (but at least she gave you a reason, instead of not returning your last phone call).

Make sense?

Saying “Yes” to Halloween

I continued my Saying Yes to Life campaign last night by spending the Halloween weekend in Charlotte with my sisters and their husbands.  Here’s my costume- it was definitely outside of my comfort zone!

And yes, in case you were wondering, I did have a few people actually pay me for kisses, and I gave some away for free!  I’ve never been the type of girl to go all slutty on Halloween, and I think this was a great compromise!  I had a blast hanging out with my sisters and bros-in-law; I always forget how much I laugh when I’m around them.

So, here’s to kissing strangers and spending time with family, and laughing my ass off.  Saying yes is working 🙂

The Third Wheel

It drags along



Behind its brothers

Wanting to give assistance

But unable to

It squeaks

And rattles

Yet is neglected

When its brothers

Receive repairs

It tries to

Pull some weight

But  is never successful

“Come along,”

Its brothers cry,

“We don’t need your help

So just enjoy the ride.”

But it doesn’t

Enjoy the ride

It’s miserable

Feels left out



Saying “Yes” to Life

I’ve made a decision to start saying “yes.”

It’s not that I’ve been a “no” person for most of my life, but I haven’t gone after opportunities, I haven’t taken risks.  So I’ve decided to start saying yes to any opportunity that presents itself.  Writing that down I’m reminded heavily of the movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey, but I promise I didn’t get the idea from that.  I actually decided to do this last week when I went to the movies with my friend, Kate.  We were talking about going to Octoberfest and I said, “I don’t like beer, but yes, I’ll go.  It sounds like fun.”  And I decided then and there that I needed to start saying yes to everything- because everything can be fun, if you have the right attitude about it.

I got a message the other day from someone I never expected to hear from again, asking if I wanted to meet up again.  And yes, I did.  So I said yes.  It might be stupid.  But it could also be great.  If I stay positive, life will be positive.  Life will be worth living if I decide to make it worth living.  So YES!

Wish Me Luck!

I did it!  I got an audition for Bob and the Showgram!  I’m going to be on tomorrow morning from 8:00 to 10:00 AM, filling in as the guest Va-J-J.

I’m so freaking excited I can’t even stand it.

If you don’t live in the Triangle, you can still listen.  Just go to and click on “Listen Live” between 8 and 10.  After 10 you can listen to the archives (listed under “Audio and Video” then “Showgram on Demand”).  You can also listen to it on iHeartRadio.

Wish me luck!

Guerrilla Warfare

Do you remember back in March when I told you I was on the radio?  Well, back in March, I was on the radio.  I was a member of the studio audience for G105’s morning show, Bob and the Showgram.  Every Friday, they have the Friday Morning Free-For-All with a live studio audience.  Audience members fill out questionnaires prior to the show and then Bob picks who he wants to speak with on the air.  They talked with me for approximately 15 minutes and you can find the audio here.

The other woman you hear in the clip is Kentucky Kristin, who was one of the show’s co-hosts for five years.  Kristin announced last week that she took a new job in Atlanta, so they are looking for a new “Va-J-J.”  Or, in other words, a new female co-host!  I would LOVE this job.  I could totally rock this job.  Problem is, they are having a ton of girls audition for it and I don’t have an audition.  Yet.  I applied/ registered via the show’s website on Saturday.  Then yesterday I sent an email to the show.  Today I posted the link to my segment on the Showgram’s facebook wall in the hopes that some of the listeners would check it out and support my plea for an audition.

It’s guerrilla warfare, baby.  I’m going to wear them down.  I’m going to be so persistent that they are going to give me an audition out of pure exhaustion.  At least that’s the plan for now.  Wish me luck!

Just One of the Boys

So, this past weekend I went to Greensboro to hang out with my friend Jay and play Texas Hold’em with him and some of his friends.  I assumed, for reasons unknown to me, that there would be other girls playing, too.  Well, you know what happens when one assumes things…  There were no other girls.  Just me and ten guys split up at two different tables to kick things off.  I started off pretty well, splitting the first pot with Jay, and things just kept getting better from there.  We started playing around 8ish with most of the players buying in for $5.00.  By 9:00, my stack of chips looked like this:

This was probably a gain of a few bucks, but I didn’t have a total count at that point.  I just knew that my fortress of chips, as Jay so lovingly referred to it, was larger than anyone else’s at that point in the game.  And there was only one point throughout the night where I thought it was possible my chip lead had been taken away.  That’s right, my friends, Rachel Hamm the lone girl in a sea of testosterone kicked some serious ass at poker.

It’s funny.  When you are just “one of the guys” not only do you realize how different men and women are, but you also realize how utterly UN-intimidating most normal guys are.  I had a blast teasing them and bantering about how I was going to take all their money.  At first it was just out of fun, but then it became strategy; I was so cocky I threw them off their game.  At least, I like to think it worked out that way.

So, moral of the story is, when you aren’t trying to date said boys, they become a lot more fun to hang out with!

My final chip fortress (I walked away with $17.50):


Oh, and as a shout out to Jay, who told me that this blog is beautifully written (thanks for the friendly lie and self-esteem boost, friend)- here’s a link to his brand new blog Mad Season.

Exorcising Some Demons

I wrote the following about three months ago, trying to make sense of an insensible situation.  I typed it up, saved it on my computer, and knew that someday I’d be able to post it- that some day I wouldn’t care if the guy I wrote about read it because I’d either be over him or ready to be over him.  The funny thing about relationships and non-relationships is that no matter how badly you say you want to move on, most of the time you really don’t want to or you really aren’t ready to let go of the possibility.  I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to let go.  I still believe he’s a good guy and I still believe that in another time and another place we would have been really good for each other.  But he’s not interested in me and he’s made that very clear.  So I’m purging myself of him.  I’m exorcising these demons and saying “I’m done,” once and for all.

            We met at a bar.  That should have been the first sign that things weren’t going to work out.  Your close friend and my close friend said we’d be perfect for each other.  The problem with that was your close friend barely knew me and mine barely knew you- how could they know if we were suited for each other or not?  That was the second sign.

            I wasn’t interested, then, in that moment.  I was embarrassed and shy and in no mood to humor our mutual friends.  I honestly wasn’t attracted to you at all.  The third sign.

            Two paths that never should have crossed.  That’s what you and I are.  Because really, what was the point?

            You made the first contact.  Said we should be friends, then asked me to dinner.  I said yes, still not interested, but thinking, why the hell not?  I’ve got nothing better to do.

            I put a little thought into my outfit, but not a lot, because I didn’t think the date would go anywhere.  Fourth sign.  And then a whole new problem: it was the best first date I’d ever been on.  Granted, I hadn’t gone on very many dates at all let alone first dates, but we just seemed to click. We talked for a couple of hours, shared dessert, closed out the restaurant, and decided to go have a drink.  I decided I really liked you.

            You weren’t cocky or buffoonish like most men I’d encountered, and God, you made me laugh.  Not only did you make me laugh, but you genuinely appeared to think I was funny, too.  Funny- not crazy.  An important distinction.

            I had to work the next day, or you did, I can’t exactly remember, but otherwise I would have had a second drink.  I paid for our drinks, maybe that was a mistake.  Maybe it took away some of your masculine power or some crap like that. But I did it and I left convinced you’d had as great a time as I did.

            But you didn’t, did you?  Because you never called, or texted, or emailed.  And foolish me, instead of taking that as the fifth sign, I contacted you.  I should have let things be.

            I won’t go on to detail our second date, except for maybe how it ended.  I was waiting, wanting you to kiss me- and you knew it, but you chickened out.  Sixth sign.  You texted me right after I left and said it had nothing to do with me and that you hadn’t missed my signals, you just were really bad at this.  It was so adorable.  I was completely smitten.  I curse that text.  Why did you have to be so cute?  Why couldn’t you have let things be?

            Do you realize that you hugged me first?  Put your arm around me first?  Without my prompting.  Why?  I’ll always remember that third date- the butterflies in my stomach as we walked my friends to their car and I wondered if you were going to make the move you’d been too scared to the last time.  We were both nervous, neither of us knew what to do, but I decided I wasn’t going anywhere until you kissed me.  So I stood up and closed my eyes and told you to do your thing.  And it was wonderful.  Absolutely wonderful.

            My friend was happy for me, you have a boyfriend! she said, but even though I was happy, I kept my head.  I knew better than to get too excited again.  That’s what pushed you away the first time, right?  I wonder if things would have ended differently if you hadn’t left a couple days later to visit your family for Thanksgiving.  We had a great few days of texting and a phone call, but would it have made a difference if you had seen me again sooner?  Maybe it would have just sped up the inevitable.

            Flash forward- fourth date.  There’s no way I would have predicted it would be our last.  You acted affectionate, you held my hand and kissed me in public.  How could I have known a week later you were going to play the it’s not you, it’s me routine?  Did I miss a sign?  I must have.  I guess I wasn’t looking for them.  I guess I thought we were on the same page.

            But we weren’t.

            And now, months later, I still cannot figure it out.  I know you shouldn’t even be a blip on my radar, but I can’t help thinking about you and wondering if you’ll change your mind today and call me.  It’s crazy, I know.  Uber crazy.

            I want to understand what purpose was served in meeting you and liking you.  I haven’t learned anything other than that I am in fact undateable man repellant, but I pretty much knew that before and the proof only makes me feel worse about myself.

            What was the point?  Our paths will never cross again, so why did they ever intertwine in the first place?  I’m sure it really makes no difference to you, but I’d be better off if we’d never met.  Not because you hurt me or broke my heart or anything, because I’d be lying if I said you had, but because I wouldn’t have these memories to try and deal with, to try and understand.  They don’t make sense with how abruptly they ended and I’d rather not have to deal with them.  I’d rather have remained alone without the hope of something more than be alone with the loss of that hope.