I’ve been thinking about this off and on for the last several months. The nice guy. Why does he get such a tough break in the dating scene? I was recently an audience member at a comedy club and the opening comedian talked about this- how he often was rejected by women and given the explanation, “You’re just too nice.” He asked the crowd if that is really possible. My immediate reaction? YES.
How is it possible to be too nice? It seems like a ridiculous thing to say, I know, but I can’t help but feel it’s truth. And here’s why. In my (limited, I’ll grant) experience, a lot of guys are nice, but I don’t refer to them all as “nice guys.” If the only way I can think to describe a man is “nice,” then he is just too nice. If nice is the only descriptor I can come up with, then he isn’t showing me anything else. He isn’t displaying any passions or any flaws. And those are two very critical things I need in a man. I personally don’t want to be with a guy I feel I’m always going to get along with, or who always lets me have my way. Guys who are “too nice” present absolutely no challenge, and therefore, no fun.
And that doesn’t mean I’m not looking for a nice guy, because believe me, I am, but a nice guy (as opposed to too nice) is someone who treats women with respect, honesty, and consideration WHILE ALSO holding his own ground in opinions, interests, and other relationships.
So, for all the guys out there living with that “too nice” cloud hovering over your heads, my advice to you is to think about what a woman is really saying when she gives you that reason. It doesn’t mean she wants you to ignore her phone calls and texts, call her mean names, break plans, and sleep with other women. It means she needs a man who can speak for himself. Who isn’t afraid to disagree, who lives his own life with his own hobbies and friends. She wants a nice guy who is also an interesting guy. You may be those things, but you probably aren’t showing them. And if you are, and she’s still not feeling it, then the chemistry just isn’t there, and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings (but at least she gave you a reason, instead of not returning your last phone call).