And a lot of days I do.
I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this life that isn’t right in any way, shape, or form. I was supposed to do things with my life. I was supposed to be somebody. I always did well in school. I was freaking valedictorian of my high school class, voted Most Likely to Succeed. I was supposed to go to college and do well, graduate, and get an amazing job. So what happened along the way that I’m broke, in a dead-end job which I’m about to quit so I can wait tables to get myself out of debt? I went to college, I did well, I graduated. Where’s the amazing job?
I wondered in high school why I couldn’t find a boyfriend. All my friends had boyfriends. Several of my friends went from one boyfriend straight to another. But not me. And people would tell me it was because I was too mature. High school boys weren’t at my level. And because I’m naive, I believed that. I was told, by several people, that I’d have boys falling at my feet when I went to college. Yeah, that didn’t happen either. I met one guy my freshman year who was actually interested in me, too, but that only lasted about two weeks. Then, what? He got bored? Realized I was boring? Realized I was going nowhere? I don’t know. He just kinda disappeared. And that was the last time anyone’s ever been interested in me.
I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. Why do some people get everything and others get nothing? Why do I get nothing? How do I get anything? Anything at all? I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of hating my reflection every time I look in the mirror. I’m sick of the negative, pissy, angry person I’ve become.