Life

I Didn’t Win

| rachelhamm

TNBW’s 2010 Strongest Start Competition for the Romance Category.  It really doesn’t come as a surprise, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.  Apparently Twenty-Five, the only book I’ve been able to actually finish, is a victim of first book syndrome.  It will never get anywhere because it just isn’t good.  I should put it in a drawer and work on other projects, but it’s so hard to get the characters out of my head.  Ben is the only character I have left who still talks to me- and that’s with 6 or 7 different projects that I’ve started.  Everyone else seems to have thrown in the towel, I think they want me to throw in the towel too.

I don’t want to.

But I’m worried I’m going to have to.

No, I won’t.

I don’t want to be a quitter. But what if this isn’t right?  What if I really do suck?  What if I’m not supposed to be a writer?

Do you enjoy it?

When I actually have time to do it, yes.

Then what makes you think you aren’t supposed to be a writer?

I suck.

Everyone sucks.

Touche.  But I mean, I suck at THIS.  I suck at writing.  I get told all the time that my stories aren’t original, no one seems to “get” what I’m trying to say.

You don’t suck.

Yes, I do.

I’m going to smack you.

You won’t be the first one who’s threatened to do that.

I’ll be the first one to follow through.

No, you won’t.  Because you are me.  And I never follow through on anything.

That’s not true!

Sure it is.  Look at me.  I graduated college Summa Cum Laude with a degree in Criminal Justice.  Have I EVER pursued a career in criminal justice?

You applied to law school.

But I didn’t go.

Do you regret that?

Sometimes.

Why?

Because then maybe I’d be doing something worth while.

You think your life isn’t worth while?

Exactly.

Why not?

Why not?  Why not?  Because I’m stuck.  I work three jobs and I still can’t afford to live on my own.  I’m tired and grumpy all the time.  No guy has ever wanted to be with me and I truly believe no guy ever will.  Nothing I do makes any difference whatsoever.  My writing is crap, I don’t even know why I try.

Isn’t it true that more people tell you they like your writing than tell you they dislike it?

Technically, I suppose.

Technically, you suppose?  You are infuriating.  Why can’t you believe in yourself more?

Because there’s nothing to believe in.

Yes, there is.

No, there isn’t.

We’ve been here before.

And we’ll be back again.

Why did you enter the contest in the first place?

I was hoping to get some validation, I suppose.  Something quantifiable.  I’ve never won a single contest I’ve entered, writing or otherwise.  I just wanted to feel like I could do something right.  That I could be a winner.  I thought maybe Twenty-Five would have a shot.  I was wrong.

It made it to the finals.

The finals isn’t winning.

It’s closer than losing.

Well, aren’t you clever?

I like to think so.

Do you really think I can ever get anywhere with this?  Is there even a chance that someone out there will ever think that my writing is great, or at least good enough?

Yes.

Really?

Sometimes.

But not all the time?

Well, of course I have doubts.  I’m you.  You’re me.  You’re having this conversation with yourself, idiot.

I AM an idiot.

And you’d be hella boring if you weren’t one.

Thanks for that.

You’re welcome.

But a little thing that made me happy today:  My friend, Ang, DID win the Strongest Start Competition in the Romance Category.  Congratulations Ang!  You’re an amazing writer and I’m happy to call you a friend!

I’ve Been a Bad Blogger Lately

| rachelhamm

And I’m sorry.  I haven’t had much to say, honestly.  Life is busy and I haven’t been writing very much.  It makes me sad, but it’s also okay.  I’d love to work on The Death Effect, but the characters are being very quiet.  They don’t seem to want to speak to me.  And that’s okay, too.  Sometimes the mind just needs a bit of a break.

So I’ve been giving my brain a lot of rest.  I’ve been watching a lot of movies and just relaxing as much as possible.  It’s been very nice.  I wrote a poem a few days ago which I really liked.  I think right now my creativity is on the short-winded side, so I’m going to work my pen out with short stories and poetry.  If I write anything interesting, I’ll post it for you.

Some good news for you: my novel, Twenty-Five, is a finalist in The Next Big Writer‘s Strongest Start 2010 Competition in the Romance category!  There are six finalists in each category and there will be one winner and two runner-ups.  I’m sure I won’t win anything, but I almost didn’t enter, so being a finalist is pretty cool!

And a little thing that makes me happy: getting a random text message from one of my siblings with a quote from Mean Girls or Friends.

The Beginning of My Twenty-Sixth Year

| rachelhamm

I’m not fishing for “Happy Birthdays,” I promise, but I just can’t seem to get over the fact that I’m a year older.  I’m on the wrong side of twenty-five.  The side that leads to thirty.  And I swear to God if one person leaves a comment saying how young I am and how I have my whole life ahead of me and how good things come to those who wait, blah blah blah, I’ll go ape-shit on their ass.

I know people out there GET IT.  I know I’m not the only person who feels like a complete and utter failure; like my life has gone a thousand miles in the wrong direction.  I totally know that.  I just don’t feel it most of the time.

You know what I mean?  I feel so all alone.  Yesterday I had a crappy day.  I woke up late so I didn’t have time to wash my hair.  Let’s just say when I don’t wash my hair I look like I dipped my head in a big tub of melted butter.  It was Monday and even though the schedule at the ortho office didn’t appear busy, I did not stop all day.  I was busy.  Crazy busy.  And I had wedding stuff to worry about on my lunch hour and when I got off of work.  And I was just tired and in a foul mood all day.  It sucked.  And I didn’t know who to call.  I wanted to call someone so badly and vent, but I didn’t know who to call.

Not knowing who to call wasn’t the worst thing though.  The worst thing was thinking about what I would say and realizing I couldn’t even really express HOW I was feeling or WHY I was feeling that way.  I’m a freaking “writer” and I can’t express myself!  And thinking about it made me realize that all of my complaints were bull shit and stupid and no one would want to hear about them.  And that made me think how I really needed a therapist.  Of course, that would just bring up the issue of not being able to express myself again.

I don’t know if this has anything to do with turning twenty-six, in fact, I’m sure it doesn’t because I’ve always been crazy like this, but I was thinking about being twenty-six yesterday as I walked out to my car and how I’ll never again WISH to be a year older.  Remember how when you were younger, you’d start saying you were 10 when you were only 9 and a half, because you wanted to be mature, adult, grown up?  You didn’t want to be seen as a kid anymore?  So you looked forward to each and every birthday.  You counted down the days and you made sure everyone knew how old you were.  It makes me incredibly sad that I won’t ever have that again.

Okay, maybe I will, when I’m like 99.  Cause it would be pretty freaking cool to tell people you were turning 100.

But anyways.  I’m twenty-six now.  Twenty-six.  I’m trying to wrap my head around that.  I’m trying to be happy about that.  I’m trying not to see it as just another year flying by without me making anything of myself.  Without anyone else seeing anything in me.

I don’t want responses, really.  I don’t want to be patted on the back and told that everything is going to be okay and that I’m awesome.  Because I know that.  I really do.  But, like I said before, knowing and feeling are two different things.  Two very different things.

The End of My Twenty-Fifth Year

| rachelhamm

It’s June.  I can’t believe it’s June.  It’s JUNE 13TH!!!!

June used to be the month I looked forward to.  As soon as the calendar hit June 1st, I’d start the countdown to my birthday (6 days counting today and the actual Birth Day, in case you were wondering).

I loved my birthday growing up.  I loved having a day that was all about me- where I got to pick the restaurant and sit in the front seat and the cake had MY name on it.  Who doesn’t like that?

Birthdays are a lot less magical as you get older.  And I’m not saying I’m old.  In fact, I still FEEL very young.  But I can’t deny the fact that I am getting older every day.  We all are.

It’s going to be very difficult to say goodbye to my Twenty-fifth year.  As you’ve probably learned by now, I’ve built it up in my mind as the year things were supposed to change- where I was finally supposed to become something, someone.

I can’t say exactly why the age Twenty-five has such a powerful hold on me, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.  I actually wrote my novel when I was twenty-four, but I’ve spent my entire twenty-fifth year revising it and trying to see if I have what it takes to be a real writer and I’ll always think of my twenty-fifth year as the year I created my first book.

And it’s almost gone.

And I’m no closer to being someone special than I was a year ago.

Or am I?

I’ve grown this year.  Taller, no.  Wider, possibly.  But mostly in taking control of my life.  I write my blog- I share myself with the world.  I quit my job and found one that pays better and doesn’t make me want to kill myself at the end of the day.  It still isn’t my dream career, but it enables me to work towards my dream career a little more.  I actually went out on a couple of dates this year!  None of them led to anything, but they were still more than anything else in the past six years or so.

I can’t truthfully say that I’m happy with where I’m at in life.  But.  I can say that I’m happier than I was a year ago.

And that has to count for something, right?

Where Dreams Come True… Part Five

| rachelhamm

Sunday morning, bright and early, we drove once again through the Disney gates.

Our first stop was Hollywood Studios, because I LOVE the movies! Any movie, every movie.  Good, bad, and completely ridiculous.

We went to Guest Services and told them it was our birthdays.  They gave us these badges with our names and “Happy Birthday” on them and every where we went all day long Disney employees (and some other guests) told us Happy Birthday.  I recommend getting one of these badges whenever you go, whether it’s your birthday or not.  Being told “Happy Birthday” every five minutes is incredibly magical!

There weren’t a ton of rides at Hollywood Studios and the ones there had long lines and no fast passes for a while, so we didn’t ride anything, just walked around and admired the general splendor until it was time for the Beauty and the Beast show.  Have I mentioned that Beauty and the Beast is my ALL TIME FAVORITE Disney movie?  The show was really good– basically the movie condensed into thirty minutes of musical numbers.  I loved it, of course, and sang along with each and every song.  I’m sure Brooke was annoyed as hell, but she smiled and didn’t complain at all.  I took about 30 pictures of the show, but here’s my favorite.  Any guess why? haha

After Beauty and the Beast we went to the Indiana Jones Show, then moved on to The Magic Kingdom.

The Magic Kingdom was just that.  Magical.  I know I’ve used this description countless times, but really, Disney World is magical.  It’s wondrous.  Amazing.  Spectacular.  Fantabulous.

The first thing we did was head straight for Space Mountain and get fast passes.  Unfortunately the fast passes weren’t good until after 8:15 PM, but luckily, we were planning on staying all day!

After obtaining the fast passes we got lunch, then enjoyed the 3:00 parade.  It started raining just as the parade started, but the rain was actually a welcome addition- it cooled the day down a bit.

When the parade ended, it really started to pour, so we went to the Hall of Presidents and enjoyed the show there.  It was quite moving.  It begins with George Washington and goes all the way through to Barack Obama.  When pictures from 9/11 scrolled across the screen with George W. Bush’s voice speaking over it with words of encouragement for the nation, I got a little teary!  And I am NOT a fan of George W. Bush!  But anyways…

We spent the next couple of hours riding all of the MUST RIDE rides: It’s a Small World After All, Pirates of the Caribbean, Jungle Cruise.  I wanted to ride the Teacups and Splash Mountain, but Brooke didn’t want to, so NEXT TIME!  And unfortunately Thunder Mountain was closed.  NEXT TIME!

At 6:00 we left the Magic Kingdom and met Danny in Epcot for a backstage tour of The Seas.  I wasn’t allowed to take any pictures backstage because that’s “where the magic ends.” Plus, Danny could have gotten into big trouble!  He took us to the room that overlooks the aquarium and I stood approximately three feet away from two dolphins who stuck their heads above the water and looked straight at me!  They knew I was there to see them.  I couldn’t say anything to them or make any big hand gestures because it would derail their training, but still, I was only three feet away.  NEXT TIME Danny might try and arrange it so I can go snorkeling in the tank and then I might be able to touch one of them (maybe- I’m not sure, he wasn’t clear on that)!

After our backstage tour, we walked through the World Showcase.  Of course I had to take a picture in the famous London phone booths!  Danny ate at the Moroccan restaurant, but Brooke and I didn’t want to eat anything for dinner yet because we still had Space Mountain ahead!

We went through the entire World Showcase and of course I took a ton of pictures, but I’ve already bored you enough, so I’ll just get to the end of the day.

We went back to The Magic Kingdom after the World Showcase because we wanted to see the fireworks.  They were beautiful but Danny told me how much they cost each night and almost gave me a heart attack.  Let’s just put it this way- it was almost more than I made last year- for the entire year- with both jobs.

Still breathtaking, though.

And of course, after the fireworks: SPACE MOUNTAIN!  The best most awesome roller coaster EVER.  I know there will be some cynical and pessimistic people out there who don’t believe in the magic of Disney who will say, “Space Mountain?  Really?  The best roller coaster ever?”  And I will say “HECK YES!”  And they will say, “But it doesn’t even go upside down!”  And I will say, “But you can’t see what’s coming next!  The thrill is much bigger!”

After Space Mountain, 😦 , we left Disney World.  I said goodbye to the happiest place on earth (though, as we were informed when we got our birthday badges, Disney Land is actually the Happiest Place on Earth, while Disney World is Where Dreams Come True).  And then I had to come home.  Back to reality.  But I brought some happiness back with me.  A little magic.

And I plan on holding onto it for as long as possible.

Thank you Disney World- I will be back.

Where Dreams Come True… Part Four

| rachelhamm

I really had no idea describing my vacation would take this many posts- sorry!  feel free to skip if you don’t love Disney as much as I do– which btw is crazy talk.  Who doesn’t love Disney?

The first thing we did at Disney was explore a few of the resorts.  We went to The Wilderness Lodge

I got a little camera happy!  I took even more at the Wilderness Lodge, but I won’t bore you with too many pictures.  I was just so excited to be there.  It was like stepping into a dream.  I’d been wanting to go to Disney World for as long as I can remember.  And here I was.  Standing there, seeing the beauty and the creativity and the wonder of it all.  It makes you realize how important passion is in life.  You have to have passion to have fun, to enjoy the little things.  I had a lot of passion at Disney.

The next place we visited was the Contemporary Resort.  It was not nearly as exciting as the Wilderness Lodge because it was all modern architecture and furniture.  It didn’t have the magical atmosphere that the other resorts did, but it did have the monorail running through it!

We hopped on the monorail and headed to the Polynesian Resort.  The Polynesian was BEAUTIFUL.  Gorgeous.  And it smelled delicious!  There’s a restaurant there called Ohona (if you remember from Lilo & Stitch, “Ohona” means family) where they serve the customers family style.  Waiters walk around with huge trays full of kabobs and according to Brooke, the bread is delicious.  I think you have to have a reservation to eat there, so we didn’t, but I told Brooke that next time (and yes- there will most definitely be a next time) I visit, we are eating there.

We did eat at the Polynesian Resort, though, just not at Ohona.  We ate Pineapple Dole Whip at the cafe on the bottom floor.  It was actually a little bit taller than this picture, but we all took a bite before I thought to pull out the camera.  And yes, we ate it all:

After the Polynesian resort, we went to The Grand Floridian Resort.  It was spectacular.  I want to live in this hotel.  That’s all I’m going to say.  I’ll let the pictures do the talking.

After seeing the beauty at the resorts, we went to Downtown Disney so that I could get all my souvenirs.  We decided it would be best to get them the night before so that I didn’t have to carry them around all day on Sunday at the parks.

Saturday was eventful.  Sunday was magical.  There’s just no other word for it.  Look for the final installment tomorrow night!

Where Dreams Come True… Part Three

| rachelhamm

Brooke had to work on Friday during the day, so I got to sleep in!  And when I did finally get up, I immediately put on my brand new bathing suit (P.S. I haven’t worn a bathing suit in over 4 years.  Luckily, it was not as traumatic as I expected because no one saw me in it except for Brooke and her roommate later in the day) and went out to the pool.

In Florida, everyone has a pool in their backyard.  Literally.

I got in the pool and swam around for about five minutes.  It was nice, but swimming alone really isn’t that much fun, so I got out and dried off by laying in the sun for a little bit.  Then the main event.  I spent the next three or four hours at my laptop, just typing and editing and not worrying at all about work life.  I was completely immersed in The Death Effect and the world of my imagination.  It was so peaceful, so nice, so incredibly relaxing.  I really needed it.

On Friday night Brooke, her boyfriend Danny, and I went to their stem church for Bible study of sorts.  I had a good time.  Their friends were welcoming, we had Papa John’s pizza (mmm… delicious.  I used to dislike it, but it has grown on me), and then discussed the idea of God’s plan and the goal of accepting God’s plan and living in the moment rather than living for the future.

I completely live for the future.  I wish I didn’t.  And I’m trying harder not to.  That’s partly what this blog is for.  It’s why I switched jobs in January.  And it’s why I write for me and haven’t really been freaking out about the fact that I haven’t had time to search for an agent.  But the truth is, I’ve always waited for that future moment when my life “will start.”  You know what I mean.  That time when I’m in the career I want, in love with the man I want, happy with the family I want, out of the debt I have now.  It’s always ahead of me.  I’m always stretching my hand out trying to grasp it, inevitably falling short.

But my trip to Orlando was living in the moment.  Not caring how it would affect my bank account, only caring how it would affect my happiness NOW.  And I’m so happy I went.

Saturday, I repeated Friday morning/afternoon- working a lot on The Death Effect, but not really working on it.  I read through everything I have written so far, edited a few things, and made sure it was up-to-date on TNBW.  Again, a completely relaxing, no-obligations day.  I loved it.

Saturday night- we went to Disney…

My first glimpse of Disney through the rain and the windows!

When it Rains…

| rachelhamm

…It pours.

I’m not boy-crazy, though I do realize that a lot of my recent posts have dealt with persons of the opposite gender.  Love and dating have been on my mind a lot lately, but I blame society and all of the stupid happy people around me.  (Okay, I blame myself for a good portion of the happy people around me, I did make a conscious choice to spend my weekends coordinating weddings, but I’d rather blame society.)

I’ve spent most of my adolescent and adult life wondering why guys aren’t interested in me.  And then, for some reason, all at once, guy after guy pops up and makes me question whether there really were no guys interested before or if I was too busy belittling myself to notice the guys who were.

Today I went to get my oil changed.  When my car was ready, an employee called my name and I went to the desk to pay.  I took one of my headphones out, but left the other one in while the guy told me my total and I handed over my debit card.  While the transaction was running he asked me something, but I was looking away and didn’t really register that he had spoken for a couple of seconds.  When I did, I took out my other headphone and he repeated himself, “What have you been up to?”

“Just working.”  I shrugged my shoulders and put my book back in my purse.

“Do you remember me?” he asked.  I finally looked at him, trying to recognize someone from high school, but though he looked vaguely familiar, no name came to me.

“Should I?”  I couldn’t believe I asked that, but it was the first thing I could think of to say.  He smiled and pointed at his name on his shirt.  It took me another second or two and then it dawned on me.  I had dated this guy!  Not seriously, we went out a couple of times when I was a teenager, he used to be a regular at the skating rink where I worked in high school.  (I know skating rinks are incredibly uncool, but most of the jobs I’ve had have been incredibly uncool.)

I let him know I knew who he was and asked what he’d been up to.  He said he thought I looked familiar but wasn’t positive until he saw my name.  It was a very strange encounter.  I didn’t really know what to say to him, I didn’t really remember much about him, not even his last name.  What I did remember was kissing him in a movie theater.  I’ve only kissed a few guys- four to be exact.  And he was one of them.  Yet, I hadn’t thought about him in years.  Probably not since I quit the skating rink (almost 10 years ago).

There are guys in my past that I cared very deeply about, even though they didn’t feel the same for me.  I still think of them sometimes and wonder what they are doing and how they are.  Not in a creepy stalker way, but I’m sure you know what I mean.  People who are important to you have a way of imprinting themselves on your life, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen or talked to them.

I found it odd that this guy hadn’t imprinted.  I would have thought that one of the few men I’d kissed would have, you know?  I suppose if someone had asked me this morning how many guys I’d kissed I would have been able to tell them and I would have been able to name this guy, but I can’t be positive about that.

I don’t know why it affects me so much, but I feel guilty about it.  And at the same time, I wonder if I’m that forgettable.  Probably to some.  But maybe there are men out there who I imprinted on somehow.  I can’t be certain that’s the case, but maybe.

Sorry, back to my original topic.  When it rains, it pours.  I thought when I turned twenty-five approximately 10 months ago that this was going to be the year I met someone.  I was sure of it.  I wrote down a love story in the hopes that it would propel fate or destiny or whatever.  Of course it didn’t.  Then I stopped expecting it to happen.  And of course as soon as I stopped expecting it to happen, Religious Guy asked me out (and dumped me- although it wasn’t really a dumping since we were only trying each other out, more like he decided I didn’t fit) and then Waiter Guy tells me I’m beautiful and then Dog Guy appears to flirt with me and then I run into Guy-I-Once-Kissed Guy.  Now, I know none of these guys are the someone I’ve been hoping for for so long, but they are building up my confidence a little.  I believe in myself a little more.  Enough to smile at Dog Guy rather than looking away immediately.  Maybe in a couple of weeks I’ll have enough courage to actually speak to him.  Maybe twenty-five wasn’t my year.  Maybe twenty-six won’t be either, but it’s looking a lot better today than it was yesterday.

This is supposed to be a blog about writing and about me trying to be a writer.  But sometimes it’s so much more than that for me.  I know I ramble about random and stupid and silly things sometimes, but sometimes this blog is all I have.  After the encounter today, I really wanted to tell someone about it.  But I didn’t have anyone I could tell it to.  I’ve been closed off for a long time.  I keep to myself because friends who I thought I was close to let me down, they didn’t care about me the way I thought they did.  Now I have 2 friends who I consider to be close friends, but they aren’t physically close.  And the truth is, it’s still hard for me to talk to them about certain things.  I don’t know how to bring something like this up with them.  I end up feeling guilty for talking about me instead of them and so I make light of whatever it is I wanted to tell them in the first place.  I feel selfish if the “problem” I have isn’t big in comparison to a problem they may have.

This blog is the only place I can truly express myself and my fears and tell others about things happening in my life without feeling guilty because I’m talking about me.  I used to keep a journal and if I went back to read my old thoughts, I’m sure they would sound an awful lot like this blog- often repetitive and back and forth emotionally.  I love life, I hate myself, I love myself, I hate life- you get the picture.  I often wonder if I’m optimistic, pessimistic, or just plain foolish and sometimes I wonder if I’m bi-polar.  My mood swings probably aren’t that extreme, but what can I say, I over-think and over-analyze everything.  All of which to say that while I still intend to use this blog to chronicle my writing journey, I think it’s important to use it to chronicle the bigger journey that I’m on, too.

A journey to be happy.

Does flirting release endorphins?

| rachelhamm

You may or may not know that I have many jobs.  I am a jack of all trades, if you will.  One of my jobs is to cat/house sit for a couple while they are away on business.  This consists of staying in their condo Monday night through Thursday morning and feeding their cats.  It’s a pretty sweet gig.

Anyways.  For the past couple of weeks that I’ve been house sitting, I’ve seen this guy taking his dog out.  Now, I don’t see many people coming and going in this complex, and I certainly haven’t seen anyone else my age, but I’ve seen him several times.  And I have to admit, the guy is cute.  We haven’t been really close to each other, so I’m not sure how tall he is, but it’s at least several inches taller than me (I have a thing for tall guys, I can’t help it!) and he’s got dark brown hair- not too long, not too short (which for me is just right 🙂 ).

Anyways (again).  Yesterday I came “home” to the condo, dropped off my stuff and went back outside to go to the grocery store.  He was standing in the parking lot with his dog (a Huskie, I think, but I’m not well-versed on dog breeds) talking to a little old man.  I smiled as I walked by to get in my car.

This morning my arms were loaded down with crap when I went outside to go to work because I had my lunch and a change of clothes with me, plus I was running a little late, so I wasn’t really paying attention to anything- I was in a hurry.  He must have been just a few feet behind me walking out of the building because when I got in my car and started the engine, he and his dog walked past.  He smiled and gave a little wave.

I don’t even know if I smiled back!

But!  The thought of his smile made me smile all the way to work- all 30 minutes! Traffic has never been such a welcome element to my morning drive.  And it put me in a super good mood all morning.  Throughout the whole day anytime I thought about his cute little wave, I smiled.

I don’t know if these little interactions we’ve had actually count as flirting, because I am in poor practice when it comes to flirting, but the wave and smile this morning definitely felt like a step towards flirting, if nothing else.  And all the happiness it caused me throughout the day made me think of the question used as the title of this post- does flirting release endorphins?  I did a google search, but didn’t find anything relevant on flirting and endorphins, so if anyone out there in the blogosphere knows of a connection, please enlighten me.

Of course, this little maybe-flirting scenario has given me scene ideas for a new book I’m in the developing stages on.  I’m trying really hard not to work on anything new until The Death Effect is finished, but this idea has been nagging me so I’ve been writing down character details and dialogue when it comes to me, and cute guy with dog has inspired a storyline for one of the MCs.  Who knows if I’ll ever actually write it, but it’s nice to know that my supremely boring life isn’t as boring as I thought, because if it was, would I actually be using it to draw inspiration for my writing?  I don’t think so!