Random

These posts won’t fit into one of the other categories!

The Look

| rachelhamm

I love romantic comedies.  I’m a chick, what can I say.  I love love stories.  I have this sorta obsession with what I call “the look.”  I’m sure that all you ladies out there know what I’m talking about.  The Look is this way that a man looks at a woman and simply makes her heart melt.

For example:

Bill Pullman in While You Were Sleeping.  Every time he looks at Lucy (Sandra Bullock), I want to cry!

Colin Firth is the master of The Look.  Bridget Jones’s Diary, Pride and Prejudice, Love Actually.  He just nails it every time!

I think Bridget Jones’s Diary is the first movie where I really fell in love with The Look.  And now I look for it in every romantic movie I watch.  Or television show.

I think there’s just something so wonderful knowing that a man can look at a woman with love reading all over his face.  Even though it’s make-believe in the movies, I have to believe that it can be real.  That there are men in real life who look at the women they love like this.

That someday, someone will look at me like that.

Maybe it’s a pipe dream.  I’ll probably never have this

But maybe…

RANDOM

| rachelhamm

I found this quote online the other day and I have fallen in love with it: “I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”  ~Agatha Christie.

It’s just so damn true.  I’m in the middle of probably the hardest time in my life right now.  I’m financially drowning and my social calendar has never been bleaker, but I still know that life is this precious gift I’ve been given.  Yeah, life sucks once and a while and lately it’s sucked all the time, but even days of 99% shittyness (sorry, spell check refuses to tell me how to properly spell this word) there’s always at least 1% greatness.

Take today for example.  I just logged on to my dashboard to check things out and even though I haven’t posted anything new in a while, there hasn’t been a single day in the past 2 weeks where this blog hasn’t gotten at least 6 views.  That’s pretty cool.  I know it doesn’t seem like a lot, but when I first started I’d have several days in a row with 0 views, so I feel like I’m moving up in the world.  Especially since I don’t really know how to advertise myself very well yet.  And, I checked the search terms people used to find my page and this was one of them: a give stick a pen up her virgin.  I’m TOTALLY serious about that.  Someone typed “a give stick a pen up her virgin” into google or yahoo or some other search engine and then clicked on a link to my blog.  Isn’t that just the most hilarious search term you’ve ever heard?

Makes me kind of glad that even in cyberspace I’m the first virgin people think of!

Oh, and to continue my ramblings of randomness, I’ve started work on a new project called The Death Effect.  I’ll create a page for it along with my other projects in a day or so.

And I got the nicest rejection email today.  Here’s a little snippet: “I’ve read your sample pages, and while I think you show great potential as a writer, I’m sorry to say that the project just isn’t a perfect fit with my current needs. This has less to do with your strengths as a writer and more to do with my goals as an agent and the trends of the current literary marketplace.”

Well, thank you, Ms. Super Agent.  I would have really enjoyed working with you, but how can I be upset when you tell me I have potential?  I might just print out that one sentence and stick on the wall behind my desk so I can stare at it when I’m writing.  That’s not weird, right?

OH!  And, Twenty-Five has made it to the #9 spot on the All-Time Rankings at The Next Big Writer.  I’m pretty happy about that.  I’m waiting for the administration to realize it so that my novel is given a spot on the All-Time Top Ten list.  When he does realize it, I’ll get access to a cool logo that I can use when marketing/advertising/selling my book, and you can bet I’ll be re-writing my query to include it’s shiny new status!

So, that’s what’s been going on in my life.  Oh, and I’m looking for a new job, but I may have mentioned that before.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  I have to have one by January 1st.  Anyone out there in cyberland looking for a freelance editor?  I’m pretty kick-ass at finding grammatical errors and I can use a comma with the best of them!  I don’t have any “education” or “experience” but I can give you several references of writers on TNBW who love my editing skills!

Man, this post has really lived up to its title!

Happy Thanksgiving!

| rachelhamm

I know I complain a lot, but I have so much to be thankful for. I’m healthy. I’m alive. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have two wonderful parents. My dad quit smoking six months ago after over THIRTY years! I’m so proud of him. My sisters and brother are funny and loving and supportive. My brothers-in-law are not jerks and they really love my sisters. My family is just wonderful all around. And I have a fantastic support system in my writing from the readers of this blog and the friends I’ve made on The Next Big Writer.

Thank you to everyone who loves me. I love you, too!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Most Days I Just Want to Cry

| rachelhamm

And a lot of days I do.

I’m stuck.  I’m stuck in this life that isn’t right in any way, shape, or form.  I was supposed to do things with my life.  I was supposed to be somebody.  I always did well in school.  I was freaking valedictorian of my high school class, voted Most Likely to Succeed.  I was supposed to go to college and do well, graduate, and get an amazing job.  So what happened along the way that I’m broke, in a dead-end job which I’m about to quit so I can wait tables to get myself out of debt?  I went to college, I did well, I graduated. Where’s the amazing job?

I wondered in high school why I couldn’t find a boyfriend.  All my friends had boyfriends.  Several of my friends went from one boyfriend straight to another.  But not me.  And people would tell me it was because I was too mature.  High school boys weren’t at my level.  And because I’m naive, I believed that.  I was told, by several people, that I’d have boys falling at my feet when I went to college.  Yeah, that didn’t happen either.  I met one guy my freshman year who was actually interested in me, too, but that only lasted about two weeks.  Then, what?  He got bored?  Realized I was boring?  Realized I was going nowhere?  I don’t know.  He just kinda disappeared.  And that was the last time anyone’s ever been interested in me.

I don’t get it.  I just don’t get it.  Why do some people get everything and others get nothing?  Why do I get nothing?  How do I get anything?  Anything at all?  I’m sick of crying.  I’m sick of hating my reflection every time I look in the mirror.  I’m sick of the negative, pissy, angry person I’ve become.

What I Miss the Most…

| rachelhamm

I truly understand the term starving artist right now.  I’m so completely broke and stressing every day over how I’m going to pay my bills.  Financial troubles are the absolute worst kind of stress.  I hate going to work because I feel like its pointless, I know I’m not really making any money by being there, because its never enough.  And I hate that.  I’ve always been a Give 110% type of person and I haven’t been lately because I’ve been so exhausted and stressed.

I was never extravagant with my money when I had it, because I never had much.  But now that I have none, I really miss the little things I used to do or buy.  For example:

Manicures and Pedicures. I’m really more of a pedicure kinda girl, but I have been known to get the occasional manicure as well.  There is just something so luxurious about having someone else scrub and polish you til you are smooth and pretty.  Plus, I really hate cutting my own toenails.  Weird, I know, but I simply don’t like doing it.

My last manicure and pedicure, for my sister's wedding
My last manicure, for my sister’s wedding.
Oh, feels sooo good!
Oh, feels sooo good!

Sunkist. I freaking LOVE Sunkist soda.  I can’t even begin to explain to you how much I love this drink.  And I haven’t had one in MONTHS.  They only cost like $1.49 for a 20 oz, less if you buy a 2 liter or a 6 pack, but that’s how broke I am.  I can’t afford Sunkist!  Ah, I miss you orange goodness.

Christmas Gifts. One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is buying gifts for my family and friends.  I love going shopping and finding something that I KNOW the person is going to love.  And I love seeing their reaction when they open the gift.  Sadly, this year, I will be either making gifts or giving hugs for Christmas.  Still in the spirit of the holiday I guess, but doesn’t give me an excuse to go shopping!

Books. Buying new books was once a small thrill in my life.  I can’t even remember the last book I bought.  On the plus side, I read all the books I want online for free at The Next Big Writer And these are books that haven’t been published yet!  So, I’m ahead of the game there 🙂

Little things, really, I know.  But when I finally pull myself out of debt, the first thing I’m going to do is head to Barnes and Noble, buy a deliciously long book, then go to a gas station or grocery store and buy an ice cold Sunkist, then head over to my favorite Mani-Pedi place to get pampered, and then I’m going on a shopping spree to make Christmas up to my lovely family and friends.  And it will be wonderful.  Absolutely wonderful.