Better to have loved and lost?

You know the quote.  Everyone does.  “It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”

I’m thinking about this quote tonight because I actually saw a comment that a couple of reviewers made on a poem on TNBW (not a poem I wrote BTW).  One of the reviewers used this quote and the other reviewer wondered if reviewer #1 had ever felt so broken that death felt like a better option.

I think that’s incredibly unfair of reviewer #2, personally.  If you HAVE loved, even if you have lost someone, then you’ve known the greatest joy there is in this world.  You’ve had a light at the end of the tunnel.  You’ve had starlight and fairy dust.

If you HAVEN’T loved, well, then I totally feel your pain.  You can’t describe that pain to another person who has loved.  They don’t understand it.  The emptiness.  The torment as you ponder day in and day out what the hell is wrong with you and why the hell no one in this world has ever cared about you.  You walk around every day bleeding inside.  Loneliness defines you.  Something funny happens and you have no one to run and share it with.  Not only do you have no one right now, you’ve never had anyone.  You feel like you never will have anyone.  Yet you smile.  You enjoy life.  You find pleasure in the little things.  Because you know what will happen if you don’t.  You really will be alone forever because no one wants to be with someone as unhappy as you truly are.

So.  Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?  I don’t know.  I can’t answer the question because I’ve only been on one side of it, but if I had to bet, I’d say yes.  I’d shout it from the rooftops.  I’d take a broken heart over an un-used one any day.  And I know there will be people who want to argue with me, but I’m sorry.  I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for you right now if you’ve broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife and it was the absolute worst experience of your life because I’m too busy being jealous of you.

Okay, that’s not completely true.  I will feel sympathy for you and that will just make me hate you even more.

Oh.  And though this post has nothing to do with a practical joke, Happy April Fool’s Day!

8 thoughts on “Better to have loved and lost?

  1. I won’t respond to the last couple of paragraphs because at the end of the day, this is your blog and you can only express your self. And should. Without someone thinking they need to set you straight.

    I do however have to comment on the other thing. “You’ve had starlight and fairy dust.” This is Disney. Love (in human form) is not. Just think you’d do yourself a great disservice to set yourself up for an image that can’t be real. Love IS splendid. But if you expect that that’s all it is, you might not be satisfied with it when it finds you. Too much input from a commenter? 🙂

    1. I really hope that you didn’t take the “starlight and fairy dust” comment as me thinking that love is a complete fairy tale. I meant it more as a nice turn-of-phrase to show that love is magical, that it is something you can’t fully understand and appreciate until you experience it. I like a good rom-com as much as the next girl, but my days of believing in Prince Charming are definitely over. He hasn’t come. I don’t expect him, too.

      But having said that, no, that was not too much input from a commenter! thank you so much for reading my silly, stupid little blog!

  2. Love is wonderful. Love is fairy dust and moonbeams and everything else you could imagine. Relationships are tricky and complicated. People tend to confuse the problems/challenges of a relationship as problems/challenges of love. Love is the multifaceted feeling you have while you’re dealing with those problems/challenges.

    I think you are absolutely right. To have loved and lost is much better than to have never loved at all. I very clearly remember so many years of longing and waiting and hurting and wanting. There is no greater pain than loneliness. Even if you lose the one you love in whatever way, at least you know your heart is there, because you can feel it breaking.

    My husband and I do have disagreements and we do get on each other’s nerves, but that’s part of dealing with another human being and if anything it only helps us love each other more. So I say, bring on the fairy dust!

    1. Thank ann. It’s funny, because I think my never having loved is the reason I started writing in the first place. It’s what pushes me to write love stories and happy endings.

  3. I, too, have felt the pain of heartbreak. It hurt so bad I thought it would kill me, and I even wished for death. But every day that I live I am amazed to have survived one more. I’m still working through it, and yes, it does hurt like hell.

    Is it better to have loved and lost? I honestly don’t know. But I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s