Other People’s Happy Moments

That’s what pops up on my laptop screen when it falls asleep.

You see, for some reason, I have my screen saver set to play a slideshow of my iPhoto gallery.  So whenever I step out of the room for five minutes and come back, there are pictures of weddings looping over and over on the screen.  Now, were I also happily married, I’m sure I’d ooh and aah at each successive picture, and hey, sometimes I do.  But not lately.  Lately, it’s just depressing.

What is it about looking at other people’s happy moments that makes me want to stick a pencil in my ear and jiggle it around?

The fact that it has never been me?  Or the fact that it will never be me?

Or both?

 

On a happier note, NANO is going really well for me.  I have seven chapters written already and 11,381 words!  Not bad for day six!  I posted my first chapter on TNBW and it’s gotten really positive feedback so far.  I know the TNBW-ers well enough to know they don’t give false praise… at least not all the time 🙂

I guess that’s a happy moment, right?  I should take a snapshot of my reviews and upload it to my iPhoto gallery.  Not exactly the same as a happy shot of a bride and groom smashing cake in each others’ faces, but it will have to do for now.

 

Oh, I got my second rejection from an agent yesterday!  🙂  I’m really feeling good about it.  More letters going out today!

 

Oh, and on the financial trouble front, I’m looking for a new job.  I told one of my bosses yesterday.  I don’t know if I’m going to be able to find one, but I wanted to be upfront with my boss about it.  I don’t really want to quit either of my jobs, but I can’t keep going on the way things are.

 

So, yeah, now you know what a basketcase I am…

What I Miss the Most…

I truly understand the term starving artist right now.  I’m so completely broke and stressing every day over how I’m going to pay my bills.  Financial troubles are the absolute worst kind of stress.  I hate going to work because I feel like its pointless, I know I’m not really making any money by being there, because its never enough.  And I hate that.  I’ve always been a Give 110% type of person and I haven’t been lately because I’ve been so exhausted and stressed.

I was never extravagant with my money when I had it, because I never had much.  But now that I have none, I really miss the little things I used to do or buy.  For example:

Manicures and Pedicures. I’m really more of a pedicure kinda girl, but I have been known to get the occasional manicure as well.  There is just something so luxurious about having someone else scrub and polish you til you are smooth and pretty.  Plus, I really hate cutting my own toenails.  Weird, I know, but I simply don’t like doing it.

My last manicure and pedicure, for my sister's wedding
My last manicure, for my sister’s wedding.
Oh, feels sooo good!
Oh, feels sooo good!

Sunkist. I freaking LOVE Sunkist soda.  I can’t even begin to explain to you how much I love this drink.  And I haven’t had one in MONTHS.  They only cost like $1.49 for a 20 oz, less if you buy a 2 liter or a 6 pack, but that’s how broke I am.  I can’t afford Sunkist!  Ah, I miss you orange goodness.

Christmas Gifts. One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is buying gifts for my family and friends.  I love going shopping and finding something that I KNOW the person is going to love.  And I love seeing their reaction when they open the gift.  Sadly, this year, I will be either making gifts or giving hugs for Christmas.  Still in the spirit of the holiday I guess, but doesn’t give me an excuse to go shopping!

Books. Buying new books was once a small thrill in my life.  I can’t even remember the last book I bought.  On the plus side, I read all the books I want online for free at The Next Big Writer And these are books that haven’t been published yet!  So, I’m ahead of the game there 🙂

Little things, really, I know.  But when I finally pull myself out of debt, the first thing I’m going to do is head to Barnes and Noble, buy a deliciously long book, then go to a gas station or grocery store and buy an ice cold Sunkist, then head over to my favorite Mani-Pedi place to get pampered, and then I’m going on a shopping spree to make Christmas up to my lovely family and friends.  And it will be wonderful.  Absolutely wonderful.